Empowering Bytes: Are You Listening or Just Waiting to Speak?
Active listening is the name of the game in this episode, and let me tell you, it's a skill that’s more crucial than ever in our distraction-filled lives!
Nkechi and Gaby dive deep into what it really means to listen, not just to respond, but to genuinely understand what someone is saying. They share some fun anecdotes, including a quirky story about a "talking stick" that reminds us how important it is to let others finish their thoughts before jumping in.
Seriously, have you ever found yourself waiting for your turn to speak instead of truly hearing the other person? You're not alone!
Join us for a lively chat that’ll have you questioning your own listening habits and inspire you to be a better communicator. So grab your headphones, kick back, and let’s get this listening party started!
Takeaways:
- Active listening is a crucial skill that can significantly enhance your communication abilities with others.
- In a world full of distractions, focusing on truly listening is more important than ever before.
- Feedback is essential for growth, and it helps us to reflect on our listening habits.
- Being present in conversations means not just hearing but actively understanding the speaker's message.
Have an empowering story to share on an Empowering Bytes episode? Submit your request, for a chance to be a guest.
Find us online: https://linktr.ee/nkechinwaforrobinson
Transcript
Great day, amazing human.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:Welcome to Empowered at my Skin podcast where our mission is to help 1 billion people in this world think in more empowering ways.
Speaker A:Empowered humans empower humans.
Speaker A:So you are in the right place to become a lead domino for Empowerment today.
Speaker A:My name is Nkechi Mwaho Robinson.
Speaker A:I'm not only your host, but I am a vibrant optimist obsessed to bring you empowering content with every single episode.
Speaker A:We will bring you weekly content alternating between longer episodes with featured guests and a shorter episode called Empowering Bites where I'll be joined by my co host, Gabby Memone.
Speaker A:So if you're ready, let the show begin.
Speaker A:Great day, amazing humans.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:Welcome to the next episode of Empowering Bites.
Speaker A:And I am here with somebody who's not bite sized but helps me keep to bite sized type episodes.
Speaker A:She is my co host with the mostest.
Speaker A:She's the Mostest co hostess, Gabby1B Mamoni.
Speaker B:Thank you.
Speaker A:Can I actually tell you what that meant?
Speaker A:It just didn't mean nothing.
Speaker A:It just was.
Speaker B:I loved it.
Speaker B:It's so energetic, just like you are.
Speaker B:Can I actually just tell you quickly before we get into the topic that my daughter woke up the other day, it was the funniest thing.
Speaker B:She walked in the room and she went, great day, amazing.
Speaker B:Because she hears us, right?
Speaker B:So I'm like, oh, you're so cute.
Speaker A:I actually truly enjoy saying great day, amazing human.
Speaker A:I, I love it.
Speaker A:I find it very hard.
Speaker A:I, I find it very hard to say good morning.
Speaker A:Like, I don't even know the last time I said good morning.
Speaker A:Unless you like, absolutely.
Speaker A:Like, I honestly actually don't remember the last time I said good morning.
Speaker A:I have one person in my life, I won't name any names, who gets offended when I say great day.
Speaker A:Can you imagine?
Speaker A:But anyway.
Speaker B:Oh, that's interesting.
Speaker A:So I would say they're the only person that I don't say great day to because.
Speaker B:Okay, you have to be mindful of that one.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker A:I was like, okay, no problem.
Speaker B:Okay, well, yeah, that's okay because what you were doing with that person, I.
Speaker A:Was listening, I was listening to what it is that they, they were saying.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:And so, and so actually it's, it's, it's interesting because at the time of this recording, this is going to be like I'm aging.
Speaker A:But I, I had an experience yesterday, but it'll be some time from.
Speaker A:And we actually are talking about this topic and I really, really liked it.
Speaker A:And, and so a lot of people may not know this, but the Topic that we're essentially going to be talking about is active listening.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:And I've been talking about it so, like, quite a bit with some leaders.
Speaker A:And so what you, Mr. Mrs. Amazing Human Listener, might not know is that that's why I started this podcast.
Speaker B:Oh, interesting.
Speaker B:I did not know that.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:So I had received some feedback, and I think feedback is golden.
Speaker A:It's just data.
Speaker A:It's neither good nor bad.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And the feedback was around how, like, as I start to think about my future self, my future leadership, things that I should really lock down in and things I could probably.
Speaker A:That definitely could do better.
Speaker A:It was around active listening.
Speaker A:And I will be honest with you, I think at the time when it was mentioned to me, I didn't really know.
Speaker A:I remember one time, years ago, in.
Speaker A:In, like, therapy, I had.
Speaker A:I had learned.
Speaker A:We know.
Speaker A:We.
Speaker A:We.
Speaker A:I can't remember where, but we got a stick.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:And it was.
Speaker A:I don't know if it was part of our marriage counseling or something like that.
Speaker A:And you were to hold the stick when you were talking, and when you're finished talking, you were to pass the stick so you could not.
Speaker A:You could not speak unless you held.
Speaker A:You had the stick in your hand.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:And so either the person would keep the stick for too long, but the other person couldn't speak until the stick was fast.
Speaker A:So active listening was very.
Speaker A:So I kind of remember that.
Speaker A:Kind of brought back that memory.
Speaker A:But the whole point was I said, how can I really hone the skill?
Speaker A:And who are some of the people that I do?
Speaker A:And it wasn't just about active listening.
Speaker A:It was about when that other individual gets to the end of the sentence.
Speaker A:Have you?
Speaker A:Have you?
Speaker A:Do you?
Speaker A:Have you?
Speaker A:Can you take the time to.
Speaker A:To respond back to them in a way that either, like, confirms that you understood what they said before you respond, and making sure that your response is relevant to what they just said.
Speaker A:There's a lot of improv.
Speaker A:Like, improvs do this a lot as well.
Speaker A:And so I. I was thinking about, in this world, who does it really, really well and very.
Speaker A:It's Oprah.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:And Oprah, I think, is really, really great at having those kind of dialogues where the person finishes saying something and then she responds back in context to what they just said, distilling down the message, repeating.
Speaker A:And so I was like, okay, well, I can't be Oprah, but I could.
Speaker A:But I can interview people.
Speaker A:And that's how.
Speaker A:Then I was like, you know what?
Speaker A:I'm gonna start a podcast.
Speaker A:And interestingly, Enough.
Speaker A:My very first guest after my trailer was my husband.
Speaker B:Yeah, I remember.
Speaker A:So I had to listen to him for like 35 or however long that episode was and wait for him to get to the end of the sentence and then distill what he was.
Speaker A:It was really great therapy, Live therapy session.
Speaker A:And distill back what he was saying and then ask an informed question for, from, from that.
Speaker B:Oh, that's funny.
Speaker A:But, but anyway, all of that to say, like episode 300 and I don't know what this one is.38 or something like that.
Speaker A:Yeah, I'm still learning.
Speaker A:It's a really hard.
Speaker A:It's a really, really, really hard skill.
Speaker A:And, and so the question, you know, that I was.
Speaker A:We were posing as part of this assessment.
Speaker A:Are you listening or just getting ready to speak?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:It's the difference between responding and reacting.
Speaker B:Because sometimes when someone's speaking, you get that idea and you're just like, oh, you just want to blurt it out.
Speaker B:But then it's like you're interrupting or you're just waiting for them to take a breath for you to say what you're going to say.
Speaker B:But did you really just hear what they said?
Speaker B:Are you just waiting for that space, for you to inject what you want to say?
Speaker B:And I have someone in my circle that is exactly like that where it's like, I just want to shake them and say, can you just listen?
Speaker B:Can you just listen?
Speaker A:But you know, it's not.
Speaker A:But yeah.
Speaker A:Oh, I just did it to you.
Speaker B:No, it's okay.
Speaker A:How well do we do it?
Speaker B:I'm passing you the stick.
Speaker A:How well do we do that on this?
Speaker A:That's.
Speaker A:I mean, I know, I know that.
Speaker A:So here's another thing I'm learning.
Speaker A:If I cut somebody to a minimum, say, I'm going to cut you.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Because a lot of times I think we often say, I don't mean to cut you.
Speaker A:And I'm like, well, you did, you did.
Speaker A:And I don't think you, you know, I think you meant to cut me.
Speaker A:And I said, but go on.
Speaker A:If it's relevant.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Because I think I, I often keep a notebook and so I do try to like, write my thoughts as the person speaking.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Is it.
Speaker A:I'm gonna start to watch.
Speaker A:I know, I. I know I've cut you.
Speaker A:I know because I edit these episodes and Yeah, I mean, we're human, right?
Speaker B:We're having a really intellectual conversation and we're just two fired up women that want to say what we have to say.
Speaker B:But I, I take that into consideration.
Speaker B:Like when you were speaking, oh, I had a thought, and I was like, but I don't want to cut you off.
Speaker B:But I wrote it down.
Speaker B:So I would have forgotten.
Speaker B:I don't know if you saw.
Speaker B:I reached for my pencil, I got my paper, and I.
Speaker B:And I was like, I got to write it down so I don't forget.
Speaker B:I forgot it.
Speaker B:But now I'm looking at.
Speaker B:I'm like, oh, yeah, that's what I wanted to say.
Speaker B:And I think as humans, we should do that when we can, because I wanted to give you the time to say what you wanted to say, But I still want to say what I wrote down.
Speaker A:Go.
Speaker A:Even if it's out of context now.
Speaker A:Go, go, go.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So when you were chatting earlier about almost, like, people having canned messages, who's really good at that?
Speaker B:Are pageant people.
Speaker B:So it's like they have stories, and then they're asked a question on the stage in a pageant.
Speaker B:And then sometimes their answer has nothing to do with the question because they've programmed it.
Speaker B:Oh, if you look it up, like, look at.
Speaker B:Look it up on.
Speaker B:On, you know, YouTube and just.
Speaker B:It's really quite funny.
Speaker B:Maybe I'll send you one after this episode where there's canned messages.
Speaker B:So they actually almost haven't even heard the question because they have these.
Speaker B:These stories or these responses that are canned that they're just waiting to sound very intellectual.
Speaker B:And so, you know, as humans, this is where I'm going with this, is this is very natural for us to have these canned messages, but the reality is we really do need to listen.
Speaker B:As a speech coach, when I am in my group coaching program and someone is delivering a short speech or something, I always ask the other people in the group their thoughts or to evaluate them or to send them a comment, because knowing that they have to, they have to actively listen, not just wait for their turn.
Speaker B:And that's a skill.
Speaker B:That's a muscle that we have to practice.
Speaker B:That's a skill.
Speaker B:That's a skill.
Speaker A:So as I was actively listening to.
Speaker B:You, I could tell you were nodding, you were leaning in.
Speaker B:It was cool.
Speaker A:There's a couple of things that came to mind that I think could help the listeners.
Speaker A:And on the canned, I actually like that.
Speaker A:Please do send me if you have an example.
Speaker A:I will Google myself.
Speaker A:But I do recognize, like, that's almost why I don't like when I'm sitting on a panel.
Speaker A:That's why I also don't like getting the questions ahead of time because I think a lot of times, if I get the questions ahead of time, I'm listening for the question versus listening to the question that's being asked.
Speaker A:Yeah, you get what I'm saying?
Speaker A:And so I, I prefer to.
Speaker A:I've preferred to have it really organic, like, what's the question?
Speaker A:And then in that moment, I can then really ask, answer it.
Speaker A:I mean, where it might be relevant is if it's very.
Speaker A:Like, if it's more of an academic conversation and there's some research or things that I need to do.
Speaker A:But even then, it doesn't discount the fact that it's always.
Speaker A:To your point.
Speaker A:It's always really important to listen to the question because when you're on a panel, things could shift context.
Speaker A:Can, Can.
Speaker A:Can change, pivot.
Speaker A:Like, there's little nuances, you know?
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:But my question to you would be then, like, given that you do this a lot, helping people with, you know, what do you do when the person that you are talking to talks a lot and does not know when to stop?
Speaker B:There's very graceful ways to interject.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:You can sometimes clear your throat and say, thank you.
Speaker B:Or you maybe put your hand up as if to say, that's great.
Speaker B:Or when there's that spot, and you can give them a timeline.
Speaker B:What you.
Speaker A:You were.
Speaker B:What you're saying is really important.
Speaker B:We've got about 20 seconds left.
Speaker B:Continue.
Speaker B:So you put a timeline on it.
Speaker B:So you do have to interject if they're just going on.
Speaker B:And I think you can just be honest about it with.
Speaker B:Not without demeaning them.
Speaker A:Sometimes I try to, like, actually pause them.
Speaker A:Like, if there is something really good, like, can I ask you to go back to something you said?
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Like, if you notice.
Speaker A:Because especially if they're just kind of like, there's some people that will say, like, their talk.
Speaker A:Like, what they say.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Is said three, four, five times.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:And they don't really.
Speaker A:They're not really.
Speaker A:They haven't perfected how to round up the, the response and, and close it off.
Speaker A:And, you know, so I tried to, like, you know, can we.
Speaker A:Can we.
Speaker A:One.
Speaker A:I. I really want to understand what you're trying to say here, or can we go back to a point that you've made?
Speaker A:You know, like, something like that just still says, I'm not trying to cut you.
Speaker A:Like, I'm not trying to cut off what you're saying.
Speaker A:I still want you to speak, but I have to stop this.
Speaker A:Like, I think you need to.
Speaker A:I think you need a. Yeah, that's great.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And honestly, we sometimes have to do that with each other because we've committed to keeping these short, bite sized episodes and you and I can go on for a very long time.
Speaker A:That is right.
Speaker B:We have to be disciplined with time.
Speaker A:Because that's, that's right.
Speaker A:So this is kind of, I would say that this is an extremely important leadership skill even for the future.
Speaker A:And, and, and I know we, we often.
Speaker A:And we should probably do an episode on future like, like preparing like leaders of the future and, and the kind of things that you should prepare.
Speaker A:Everyone's a leader.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:But I do believe active, like active listening is not dead.
Speaker A:If, if anything it's even more alive now than it ever was before with all of the, the, like the mountain of distractions that we have.
Speaker A:We are, we are actually.
Speaker A:This is not a skill that we're practicing really, really well.
Speaker A:And we're in the age where everybody has something to say and are we saying the right things?
Speaker A:And is the impact of what we, what our intention is it, is it really coming out in the messages and the conversations and the interactions that we're having?
Speaker A:So active listening is a great skill.
Speaker A:I don't know that we did enough on this episode to distill it.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:I think it's got to come back around.
Speaker A:But I want to bring it up only because we've been talking about it a lot and I, and I encourage everybody to double down and really ask yourself that question.
Speaker A:How often do I find myself listening to understand or just waiting to speak?
Speaker A:You know, I love it.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:I think we can continue this conversation and talk more about other elements.
Speaker A:Awesome.
Speaker A:So as a listener, think about that.
Speaker A:We're going to come back around.
Speaker A:We want to hear from you.
Speaker A:If you actually want to join us on this conversation, drop us a note.
Speaker A:We'd love to invite you on it could be you.
Speaker A:I think we should probably even do an episode where we can hear from listeners.
Speaker A:Bring them on.
Speaker A:Bring.
Speaker B:I would love that.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker A:We can use like Streamyard.
Speaker A:That would be cool.
Speaker A:I think we need to, I think we need to advertise that.
Speaker A:So yes, maybe we'll do that with that.
Speaker A:Like are you listening or are you just waiting to speak?
Speaker A:We'd love to hear from you.
Speaker A:We're excited.
Speaker A:But this is sadly where I have to say I'm Ink and I'm Gabby with one B and we're out.
Speaker A:There you have it.
Speaker A:I trust that you are feeling more empowered in your skin.
Speaker A:As the late Dr. Maya Angelou said, when you get, you give.
Speaker A:When you learn, you teach, so it would mean so much for us at Empower to My Skin, Inc.
Speaker A:If you share this episode and tag us or teach an insight that you took from today's episode on your social and tag us, feel free to leave us a review over at itunes and follow us on social media Powered In My Skin.
Speaker A:Finally, remember to subscribe so you never miss an episode.
