Empowering Bytes: Frustrations can be monitored by expectations
This episode of Empowering Bytes delves into the powerful connection between frustration and expectations. Hosts Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson and Gaby Mammone explore how managing our expectations can significantly reduce our frustrations, emphasizing that much of our discontent stems from the expectations we place on ourselves and others. They share personal anecdotes and insights, including leadership thoughts by Bishop TD Jakes that highlights the importance of accepting people for who they are and adjusting our expectations accordingly.
The conversation encourages listeners to reflect on their own experiences and recognize the role they play in their frustrations. By cultivating awareness around our expectations, we can empower ourselves to live more freely and authentically.
Have an empowering story to share on an Empowering Bytes episode? Submit your request, for a chance to be a guest.
Find us online: https://linktr.ee/nkechinwaforrobinson
Transcript
Great day, amazing human. Welcome to the Empowered in My Skin podcast where our mission is to help 1 billion people in this world think in more empowering ways. Empower humans.
Empower humans. So you are in the right spot to become a lead domino for Empowerment today. My name is Inke Chi.
I'm not only your host, but I am a vibrant, optimist, obsessed success to bring you empowering content.
With each episode, we will be bringing you content, alternating between longer episodes with featured guests and shorter episodes called Empowering Bites, where I'll be joined by my co host, Gabby Mamone. So if you're ready, let the show begin.
Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson:Great day, amazing humans. Yes.
Welcome to the next episode of Empowered in My Skin, Empowering Bites, where we keep it short and sweet because I'm with my sweet, sweet host, Gabby.
Gaby Mammone:Thank you. We've been doing this for years.
Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson:For years.
Gaby Mammone:Never have I ever heard the same intro twice.
Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson:And to all the YouTubers, because now there's YouTubers. I just gotta be honest. One of the ways that you could be a great podcaster and be able to do it with your time.
Cause a lot of people ask, like, how do you manage all of this at your time? Is that you batch your episodes. One of the things we are not. We don't do is we don't go and change our outfits. I don't go and change my hair.
So if you watched the last episode.
Gaby Mammone:And that's okay, right?
Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson:It's fine. Nails look the same, hair is the same. I love it. I love it.
Gaby Mammone:You tie it. I love it.
Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson:Because we just have this empowered.
Like, it's like by the time I finish with Gabby, like, it might be like, we kind of do them pretty fast, you know, but we kind of plan for an hour or so of conversation and we're just like, it's just an hour of talking about what do we want to gift the world with? Anyway, so today was. Today's was really exciting. So much exciting that. Anyway, when gab. Anyway, Gabby, you open it up. Because I'm just.
Gaby Mammone:All right, I'll open it up. I would like to ask a hypothetical question. It's not even hypothetical. Everybody listening. I know has been frustrated. Right.
So think about something that you're going through that is causing frustration. Something that you've been through that has caused frustration. Okay. Because we're going to have a very meaningful conversation about frustrations.
Can they be monitored by expectations? Okay, let me say that again. Can frustrations be monitored by expectations? So Ink and I had a conversation before we started hitting record on this.
And she has a very powerful, powerful excerpt. I want to pass it over to you. I want you to share that with the world.
Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson:So what I love that we also do is I do it often. And for those of you that might be watching this, I'm just going to show you an example. Right.
his current month is November:And the reason I do that is because I want to keep track of, you know, things that people say. I'm constantly reading, listening, learning, growing. And I just, I keep track of what I'm learning every month, whether it's through the Bible app.
So, like in the note at the bottom, I'll have the Bible app notes, things like that I glean from God. And then other than that, like podcast episodes, whatever could be even sometimes somebody says something.
The other day I was talk, this amazing leader and he was talking about moments of truth. And so that went into my notes.
Anyway, so Gabby in our B roll was talking about, you know, there's this great thing that you shared as a potential podcast episode topic. And, and it said, you know, can f. Can frustration. Can frustrations be monitored by emo, by expectations? Right? And I was like, really? I said that?
Gaby Mammone:I was like, why did I say that?
Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson:So we started looking in WhatsApp because we use a WhatsApp chat to communicate with the team. And. But it didn't find in there. And, and then something said to me, okay, if I said it, it must be in my notes, right?
I share this with Gabby. June: So June: Gaby Mammone:And anyone knows me that knows me knows that I'm meticulous. So I also, so I made sure I dealt with it, I wrote it down, and I didn't forget about it because I need to be right. Here we are.
Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson:But what's really incredible is like, it so marries as well to something else that I've been walking in truth this year, which is after I read it. Michael Singer. I think we've done a podcast episode on it too, that like, rain is rain, snow Is snow. You know, weather is weather. Weather, weathers.
Rain does what rain needs to do. Snow does what snow needs to do. We as human beings bother ourselves about nature, right?
So, yeah, if we're going on a picnic and it happens to rain and suddenly we're in a stinky mood because of it. Well, it's not the rain that's bothering us, is we are bothering ourselves about the rain.
Gaby Mammone:Yeah.
Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson:Similarly, this.
That's probably why two years ago, two and a half years ago, this same topic really interests me enough that I said I have to write this down and start to practice it and make it like, really, like embody what this says. And so essentially it was a sermon by the amazing TD Bishop, TD Jakes.
And he was talking about frustrations can be modeled by expectations and that if you change your expectation, you will limit your frustration. Then he went on to say that I expect people to be who they are. Right.
Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson:That's.
Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson:That's just the truth. And if you can expect people to be who they are, then once you teach me who you are, you teach me what to expect. Yeah.
And then so therefore you become. You never disappointed. Because I never expect above what you advertise. Like, that is a mic drop. Like, the guy is so pathetic with his words.
But I never expect above what you advertise. Very similar to something like Maya Angela said, like, when people show you who you are, believe them the first time. Yeah, yeah.
So if you, if you advertise, you are a fool, I expect you to be a fool. And therefore when I need a fool, I'll call you. Otherwise, I ain't calling you. All right, so.
And I guess what he's really tried to say is that we have the power.
We, like so many people, are what I see it at work all the time, like walking around frustrated because you expected something that either wasn't going to happen happen or didn't happen the way that you wanted to happen. And at the end of the day, as. And I say this gently to some people that are listening to this, but if you get frustrated, it's your problem.
Like, I know I'm going into the cat voice. You created it, but you created it. Right? So, yeah, if, like, think about, like.
I know one of the things that get used to get me a lot of times, I remember one time this happened to me at my previous employment. I met this one person, we had this really great engage, like a physical engagement.
Like, after I spoke, she came up to me, she talked about how my speech resonated with her. I Think we hugged. She says, oh, my God, we need to get together. I'd love to have, you know, for the conversation with you. I said, no problem.
Drop me a note.
Gaby Mammone:Yeah.
Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson:So typically the worst time to drop me a note is after I just spoke because. Right. I get a lot of notes right after.
Gaby Mammone:Yes.
Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson:So long and short. Was I also in it. I get a. A really big lot of email. And respectfully, people that know me know that if you need me, call me.
Gaby Mammone:Yes.
Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson:Anyway, what had happened was months later, I think it was in April, and sometime maybe I was cleaning up my email and it might have been like September, October, November, and I saw her email and I remember emailing her and saying, hey, you know, I'm now seeing your email. Would you like to connect? Anyway, the long and short of is we. We happened to get together again.
And what she shared with me was that me not responding to her made her feel away. And so, yeah, so I did ask her, can I. Can. Can. Am I can. Are you open to me coaching you or sharing something with you, like another perspective?
And I said, always keep yourself in the position of power.
Gaby Mammone:Good.
Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson:It is. It is a blessing that I would have to be able to sit with you. So me not responding to you is my loss, not yours. Right. And.
And then I said in the other thing too, because I'm sure I'm not.
The only person expecting me to have responded back to you was a timeline you created that I probably couldn't achieve because I didn't even know what it was. You know what I mean? And so sometimes it's about also giving people grace that it's not about you.
You are worthy of being met with, you know, and so that's kind of what he was like. It's almost very similar to what TD Jakes is trying to coach us.
Like, if you stop calling me, then I'm going to stop expecting you to call me, you know, versus especially women like dating in the dating land, we get so easily frustrated when the person hasn't called us on a timeline that we've created, which is an expectation. Yeah, I know. I'm talking.
Gaby Mammone:It's not fair. Yeah, yeah. It's not fair that people are putting these expectations on us. It's like, yeah, right.
Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson:And so if you can catch yourself, like, a lot of times, I will say, even, like, too many people are listening, fix your voicemail. Right. A lot of times.
Or even think about this, how many times has somebody called you and you returned the call and you said, I'm sorry, I'M sorry, I did. I missed your call. I'm like, why I always say, no, do you take that sorry back? I'm giving you that you only have 10 a year. That when you get back.
Because I don't have any expectation that you are sitting around waiting for my phone call.
Gaby Mammone:Yeah, exactly.
Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson:Pick it up at the time when I call. Right. And so we often, like, catch yourself. Catch yourself. What you apologize for, for one.
And that's your way of also using that opportunity to train, like, to help people understand, like, like your schedule or how best to like, connect with you or this. Any other. Right.
Gaby Mammone:So, you know, it's so interesting that you said that, that analogy about the messaging, because I know someone who's automated voicemail says, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I missed you.
Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson:And it's like, you know what?
Gaby Mammone:I'm gonna. I'm gonna talk to that person. Thank you for that inspiration. Because you're right.
I'm not expecting you to pick up the phone every time somebody calls you.
Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson:That's right. That's right. I often, if I hear somebody's voice mode, because anyway, this is not the conversation about that. But it's also very disempowering.
Stuff like that. Like, yeah, just everyone needs to think about their voice note. If it says, I'm sorry that I missed your call, don't be sorry.
Just say, I've, you know, I missed your call. Please leave me a message and I will get back to you in my earliest convenience. But anyway.
Gaby Mammone:Yes.
Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson:Yeah. So back to this one.
I think the core, the crux of all of it is you are you completely have the power to meter your expectation, to meter your frustration by limiting your expectations or not having your expectations be predicated on somebody else that may not even realize that that's your expectation. Right.
Gaby Mammone:I love this now because you've had this in your notes. Inc. Did you originally Hear this from TD Jakes? That's where originally it came from.
Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson: June: Gaby Mammone:But that was originally from him.
Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson:Yeah, yeah. But I mean, like, I, like I said, I've heard it reference like, like, you know, Maya and Dr. Maya Angelou said it.
I'm pretty sure a lot of thought leaders have talked about that. But it's. It's really. It is really about. It's. It's. I mean, it's a big part of what I try to do and empower to my skin for myself even.
I'm getting better at that as more time passes and as I Try to be true to what I believe is the gift that I'm supposed to be giving the world or helping a billion people in this world do. But yeah, it is, it is catching that.
It's catching where I'm putting expectations that I've come up with on another human being and also helping my mind by realizing that everybody is who they need to be.
And it's my responsibility to keep around me the things that serve me and enable me to live in my highest, truest expression of myself as a human being. And if it's not capable of doing that, then I have the power to put the appropriate boundaries in place.
Gaby Mammone:Yes. That's beautiful. I love this so much. If someone wants to go deeper in this conversation, we'd recommend that you hop online and type in TD Jakes.
He's got a sermon. And I believe it's called Frustration Happens or the Fight with Frustration. Pardon me? The fight with Frustration.
Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson:Yeah. I don't remember if that's where it came from, but I, I can look back at the note. There's.
You know, I think in parting, you know how I think our responsibility right now is if you were to even sort of open up your diary today and write how many sins are actually tormenting you. And this is funny, this is such a great follow up from our last episode. But how many things are tormenting you right now?
If you were to just be still. How many things are tormenting you because you have the wrong expectation?
Gaby Mammone:Oh, that's so powerful. That's so powerful.
Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson:And instead of. I know that's the.
Gaby Mammone:That's a powerful question. Right? Because expectations are such a powerful, potent force that affects us so much.
So instead of asking how expectations breed discontentment, ask why does it affect us so much? And how do I get out of this? Like. Yeah.
Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson:And you know what? Maybe we have one more empowering bites for this year and let's be a little bit thoughtful as to what we're going to talk about.
But I, I think an idea just came to my head. Maybe this, maybe the next one will help you with that. But I think that that's really important.
I think that part of radical self care is about getting still.
Gaby Mammone:Yes.
Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson:And listening to what like, to like giving yourself some mind care, listening to what's toiling in your mind and giving yourself permission to reset your expectations, especially if whatever it is that's toiling is not serving you in a positive way.
Gaby Mammone:That's beautiful. What you just did was you understood the source of the frustration. I love it. That's a great.
Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson:We're always the source. That's the thing. We are always the source. I don't care. Like, oh, my Lord, have mercy. That's a whole different episode.
And so you have to say that at the very end. Look at that. I just got hype again.
Gaby Mammone:No, we're okay. That's okay. That's a new episode.
Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson:Bringing it down. We're bringing it down. We're bringing it down because this is where we have to say, we're done.
Gaby Mammone:And I'm Ink and I'm Gabby with one B.
Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson:And we're out. Bye bye.
Gaby Mammone:Until next time. You're the sword.
Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson:There you have it.
Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson:I trust you are feeling more empowered in your skin. As the late Dr. Maya Angelou said, when you get, you give. When you learn, you teach.
So it would mean so much for us at EIMS if you would share this episode and tag us or teach an insight that you took from today's episode on your socials and tag us.
Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson:Feel free to leave us a review.
Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson:Over at itunes and follow us on social media. Empowered to my skin. Finally, remember to subscribe so you never miss an episode.
Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson:See you soon.
