Empowering Bytes: How to Transform Comparison into Action
Comparison can be a sneaky little gremlin that messes with our self-esteem and progress, but today, we’re diving deep into how to flip the script on that!
Nkechi and Gaby are here to chat about turning those feelings of envy into motivation, showing us that while comparison can be harmful, it can also spark our growth if we use it right. They’ll explore how to recognize whether what we’re comparing ourselves to is lifting us up or dragging us down, giving us some fun tips to harness that energy. Plus, they’ll share personal stories that highlight the importance of staying true to our own unique journeys while learning from others.
So grab your favorite snack, kick back, and let’s get ready to empower ourselves and each other!
Takeaways:
- This episode emphasizes the importance of using comparison as a tool for personal growth rather than as a source of self-doubt and frustration.
- Nkechi and Gaby discuss how to recognize harmful versus helpful comparisons in our lives, which can be pivotal for our self-esteem and motivation.
- They encourage listeners to transform envy into motivation by asking, 'What can I learn from this person?' instead of feeling defeated by their success.
- The hosts stress that each individual's journey is unique, and it's essential to focus on your own path rather than getting caught up in others' highlight reels.
Have an empowering story to share on an Empowering Bytes episode? Submit your request, for a chance to be a guest.
Find us online: https://linktr.ee/nkechinwaforrobinson
Transcript
Great day.
Speaker A:Amazing human.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:Welcome to Empowered at My Skin podcast where our mission is to help 1 billion people in this world think in more empowering ways.
Speaker A:Empowered humans.
Speaker A:Empower humans.
Speaker A:So you are in the right place to become a lead domino for Empowerment today.
Speaker A:My name is Nkechi Mwaho Robinson.
Speaker A:I'm not only your host, but I am a vibrant optimist obsessed to bring you empowering content with every single episode.
Speaker A:We will bring you weekly content, alternating between longer episodes with featured guests and a shorter episode called Empowering Bites, where I will be joined by my co host, Gabby Memone.
Speaker A:So if you're ready, let the show begin.
Speaker A:Great day.
Speaker A:Amazing humans.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Speaker A:We are here with another Empowering Bites.
Speaker A:And of course, I am not alone.
Speaker A:And I am joined by the phenomenal, the remarkable, the brilliant, the effervescent, the contagiously kind human being that is called Gabriella.
Speaker A:Oh, Gabby.
Speaker A:1B mammony.
Speaker B:Wow, that's amazing.
Speaker B:I don't know if I've ever been called effervescent before.
Speaker A:I love it.
Speaker A:Effervescent.
Speaker A:100%.
Speaker A:100% Illumina.
Speaker A:Luminance.
Speaker A:I don't know.
Speaker A:Luminance.
Speaker A:Anything bright and starry and wonderful and delightful.
Speaker B:You know, what you see in me, I see in you.
Speaker A:Projection, reflection.
Speaker A:Projection, reflection.
Speaker A:I'll take it.
Speaker A:So, yeah, so I'm gonna get right into it since I was informed of this episode inspired this morning and it just so happened that we're recording today, which is awesome.
Speaker A:And it's really.
Speaker A:We've talked about it before.
Speaker A:I might have to share the l. So we talked about comparisonitis.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:And in the context of it being such a deterrent to your own progress and success in life.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:But today we want to talk, we want to bring it back up because I, I don't think the world is getting any better.
Speaker A:I think if, in fact, with the attention economy grabbing all of us and, and most of us spending more time scrolling and especially now with, with our young people, you know, finding, trying to find their way in this world, bringing it back is a really important conversation to further the legacy of how to help humans use it as a tool that serves them versus one that detracts them from, from enjoying life, you know.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:So, you know, whether.
Speaker A:And I, and I think we're going to approach it today, like how to figure out, are you using it, is it harmful or is it helpful?
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:And if, if you're comparing it and.
Speaker A:And you can derive helpfulness from it, then I'D be like, you know, power to you, but if it's harming you.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:And you will know things like you suddenly feel depleted, depressed, you know, frustrated, angered, like you're falling behind, like you.
Speaker A:Like you're not worthy, like everyone else's life is better than yourself.
Speaker A:And, you know, if any of those hold true, then I would say that it's harmful and versus it being helpful.
Speaker A:However, I do believe there's a way to make it helpful for yourself, and I think that that's kind of the things that we'd like to unlock in this short but sweet and insightful conversation.
Speaker A:So what are your thoughts out of the gate?
Speaker B:My thoughts out of the gate are.
Speaker B:The person I am today is very different from the person that I was several years ago regarding this topic.
Speaker B:Today I am able to separate the fact of wins and losses.
Speaker B:So no one else's wins are my losses.
Speaker B:Their wins are their wins.
Speaker B:My losses are my losses.
Speaker B:And so changing the way that you look at other people's success is an advantage to you and your growth.
Speaker B:And so I am definitely of the teacher, the teacher mindset.
Speaker B:I think that's important, the teacher comparison, because I'm able to observe skills and behaviors and habits that other people make.
Speaker B:And we would encourage others to do the same because you can always ask yourself, what am I learning from this process?
Speaker B:What is this process teaching me?
Speaker B:And so if you can turn that envy into motivation to act, to grow, it can only help you improve.
Speaker A:Yeah, and I love that.
Speaker A:Yeah, I love that.
Speaker A:I think the thought that comes to mind is, I think I might have said on the last episode of when somebody else's promotion feels like your demotion, just in general, just so you could apply that anywhere in life.
Speaker A:And I think what's really interesting is that you're typically comparing yourself to a highlight reel.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:And I think sometimes if you actually sit down and get insatiably curious as to what, you know, how that journey, how the journey evolved for whoever it is or whatever it is that you're comparing yourself to, and you hear the entire journey, it's very unlikely that you want it all.
Speaker A:And that's the thing.
Speaker A:Like, you're, you know, you could.
Speaker A:It's easy to compare, but the question is, do you actually want what it took to get there?
Speaker B:Ah, that's brilliant.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:And so I. I think that that's one way to.
Speaker A:To maybe just condition yourself to recognize.
Speaker A:Yeah, you know what?
Speaker A:Because of that.
Speaker A:Yeah, I'm not going to.
Speaker A:However, I will give a. I'm going to give.
Speaker A:It's a little bit of an example.
Speaker A:So there's this fitness girl that I follow on.
Speaker A:On Instagram and her name is Cindy Gillen.
Speaker A:So I'm very, very, like, even though, like, I, I think 10 of who I've.
Speaker A:I think I followed 10 of what follows me or something like that.
Speaker A:Like, I've learned.
Speaker A:Okay, yeah, I like to get it down to 1%, but I'm not there yet.
Speaker A:But, but she's all.
Speaker A:She's definitely somebody that I seek as an expert.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Like, so the point I'm just trying to make, like, I make sure that my feed is people who are feeding me in, in to help me continue to grow.
Speaker A:And so, so yesterday the reel that I saw had her.
Speaker A:She was, I think she was traveling.
Speaker A:And so she like, one of the clips was like, she was doing hip hop.
Speaker A:Another one, she was doing boxing.
Speaker A:There was a workout, she was biking, like all these things.
Speaker A:And so when I took a step back, I think I was like, oh my God, look at her.
Speaker A:She's so cool.
Speaker A:Like, you know, she's doing a hip hop and all this any other and blah, blah, blah.
Speaker A:And there's this desire.
Speaker A:I had this desire like, oh man, why can't that be me?
Speaker A:But the interesting thing is, so I immediately flipped it because I remember and I was talking to Tricia and I was like, well, hold on.
Speaker A:Like, I have, I have been putting it on the back burner to go and take a hip hop class.
Speaker A:I have been putting it on the back burner to like hook up with a family friend, Dwayne, who was a pro boxer to box with him.
Speaker A:And, and I know that I want to incorporate more movement into my life.
Speaker A:And so anyway, all of that to share that I used the, the wind or the, the whatever.
Speaker A:The, the, the wind of, of what I was getting from her to like sort of say, okay, how can I.
Speaker A:What, like, what parts of it can I take to add to my toolkit that will further and, or even re.
Speaker A:Just even kickstart me doing something that, oh my God, I've been putting this off.
Speaker A:You know what I mean?
Speaker A:So, so I think, and I share that in a way to, to contrast.
Speaker A:Like, you know, you can also look at it as, what is it, what is it revealing in me?
Speaker A:You know?
Speaker A:And is it.
Speaker A:I, like, I like from the Latin theories.
Speaker A:Is this something that you can change in your life in 30 seconds?
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And if it's not that, it's probably not really helpful, right?
Speaker A:Because sometimes it's like People's attributes.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Like things that they're born with and they're gifted with.
Speaker A:And you know what?
Speaker A:I think it was in the.
Speaker A:I think she was in.
Speaker A:It was in the.
Speaker A:In the.
Speaker A:In the chapter of Life's not fair.
Speaker A:It's not fair.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Sure.
Speaker A:Life is not fair, and it's not supposed to be fair, but there's certain things that you can't change.
Speaker A:And those are the things I think you need to be mindful of as to, you know, how you're drawing them into your life as a comparison and that you're not necessarily meeting, you know, certain standards or something like that.
Speaker B:Yeah, that's such a great and powerful example, Ink.
Speaker B:And what I heard is what also Mel Robbins has in that book.
Speaker B:It's along the lines of it's a framework that's not just theoretical, but it's a practice.
Speaker B:And so you can learn how to compare in ways that serve your ambitions rather than stall them.
Speaker B:By seeing that feed, it motivated you.
Speaker B:And so these moments of comparison, we really can use it as a teaching moment.
Speaker B:In fact, I also have a story for you.
Speaker B:So I am also a speech coach, and I have a group coaching program that I offer once a year.
Speaker B:And one or two years ago, I had someone in my program that we're still connected.
Speaker B:And one of the greatest things for me as a speech coach is being in the audience of one of my students.
Speaker B:Like, I can't.
Speaker B:I can't even describe that feeling.
Speaker B:Like, I'm like, proud mama bear moment.
Speaker A:Like, loving it.
Speaker B:And there was a scenario recently, actually, where there's one stage that I actually wanted to be on.
Speaker B:I didn't apply.
Speaker B:I didn't reach out.
Speaker B:Nobody knows I wanted to be on that stage until I saw a social media post that one of this woman is on that stage.
Speaker B:So for a second, I had enemy, and I was like, wow, I wanted to be on that stage.
Speaker B:But then I did a reframe.
Speaker B:I'm like, wait a second.
Speaker B:I didn't do anything.
Speaker A:I didn't do the work.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:I taught her how to.
Speaker B:And she took this.
Speaker B:She took the bait.
Speaker B:And I'm so happy.
Speaker B:She is.
Speaker B:And it just goes back to, we're human, you know, but if you want that something, you have to take action.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And I'm so proud of her for taking action.
Speaker B:And, yes, I'm gonna go to that event.
Speaker B:I will buy a ticket because I want to see her on stage.
Speaker B:And that does make me proud.
Speaker A:So I love that.
Speaker A:If I think where we've taken this conversation so far, I think there's the self evaluation to really ask yourself, like, what is what is what I'm looking at?
Speaker A:Or compare myself to what is it revealing in me?
Speaker A:I think there is the, can you change it, like in 30 seconds if you can't?
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And then the other thing is, like, what you just talked about is, am I actually taking the action if it's attainable, Am I.
Speaker A:Am I actually taking the action consistently?
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Consistency is.
Speaker A:Is staying true to what you said you're going to do long after the feeling you've said it has passed right.
Speaker A:Consistently to attain it.
Speaker A:And if, and if you answer no to any of those, then I think you got to redirect whatever it is that you're trying to compare yourself to.
Speaker A:And I think the other thing I'm going to say is, and we do it so much, this whole podcast is around this.
Speaker A:The stronger you are in who you are and you know why you're here.
Speaker A:I think you will.
Speaker A:I think comparison goes out the door because there is nobody exactly like you.
Speaker A:Your DNA is evidence of the fact that you are unique.
Speaker A:Marvel that has been created in this world to do amazing things.
Speaker A:And you and I.
Speaker A:Another analogy that I'll bring in quickly to this is when you think about, you have a race to run and you think about, like the Olympics and when the runners are in their lane, what happens when they step off their lane on the line?
Speaker A:Duh, what happens?
Speaker A:They get disqualified.
Speaker A:Right, right.
Speaker A:And so comparison will disqualify you from what you should be focused on building for yourself in your life.
Speaker A:And so, you know, I think you have a lane you need, and you need to figure out what's.
Speaker A:What that lane is, and then just get to work and fulfill.
Speaker A:Fulfill.
Speaker A:Exactly.
Speaker A:You know, what you're supposed to do with your life.
Speaker B:I love that.
Speaker B:One of the beautiful things about this podcast is that we keep it short and sweet.
Speaker B:Empowering bites.
Speaker B:One thing that I would like to say while wrapping up is the importance of cultivating growth.
Speaker B:This is what I've heard in this conversation.
Speaker B:And so we learn from other paths, but we cannot lose our own identity.
Speaker A:That's right.
Speaker B:And, you know, if we really turn that jealousy into fuel, that harnesses our motivation.
Speaker A:Harnesses.
Speaker A:That is the word harness.
Speaker A:Harness motivation, harness.
Speaker A:Run your race and harness your potential.
Speaker A:I love it.
Speaker A:I love it, I love it.
Speaker A:Okay, so this is where I say I'm ink and I'm Gabby with one B.
Speaker A:And we're out.
Speaker A:Bye.
Speaker A:There you have it.
Speaker A:I trust that you are feeling more empowered in your skin.
Speaker A:As the late Dr. Maya Angelou said, when you get, you give.
Speaker A:When you learn, you teach.
Speaker A:So it would mean so much for us at Empowered in My Skin, Inc.
Speaker A:If you share this episode and tag us or teach an insight that you took from today's episode on your social and tag us, feel free to leave us a review over at itunes and follow us on social media.
Speaker A:Powered In My Skin.
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