The Art of Dreaming Big: Karlyn Percil on Empowerment and Identity
In a compelling exchange, Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson and Karlyn Percil engage in a profound exploration of empowerment, identity, and community. Karlyn shares her transformative journey from feeling constrained by societal expectations to embracing her authentic self through the lens of ancestral leadership and emotional intelligence. Their dialogue emphasizes the need for individuals, especially from marginalized backgrounds, to redefine their narratives and challenge the limiting beliefs that have been imposed upon them. This episode is not merely a discussion; it is an invitation to reflect on the barriers that prevent personal and collective growth.
The 'DREAM BIG' framework presented by Karlyn serves as a guiding principle for listeners seeking clarity and purpose in their lives. Each component of the acronym—Decision, Desire, Design, and more—provides actionable steps for cultivating resilience and a deeper understanding of oneself. As Karlyn articulates her insights on personal branding, she highlights the importance of expressing one's essence authentically, creating a dialogue around how our outward expressions can align with our inner truths. The episode delves into the significance of self-affirmation and the role of community in fostering empowerment, urging listeners to surround themselves with individuals who uplift rather than diminish their potential.
The conversation culminates in a powerful reminder that empowerment is a continuous journey, one that requires introspection and a commitment to personal growth. Karlyn's emphasis on the interconnectedness of our stories and experiences resonates throughout the episode, reinforcing the notion that we are not alone in our struggles. As the episode draws to a close, listeners are left inspired and equipped with practical tools to navigate their paths toward self-empowerment, reminding them that every spark of inspiration deserves to be nurtured and celebrated.
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Book Recommendation: "Meditation Pusher: The Future We Make" by Alicia Mathlin
Find Karlyn Online:
Website: https://www.karlynpercil.com/
IG: https://www.instagram.com/karlynpercil/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/karlynpercil/
Find us online: https://linktr.ee/nkechinwaforrobinson
Transcript
Great day, amazing human.
Inkechi:Welcome to the empowered in my Skin podcast, where our mission is to help 1 billion people in this world think in more empowering ways.
Inkechi:Empowered humans empower humans.
Inkechi:So you are in the right spot to become a lead domino for empowerment today.
Inkechi:My name is Inkechi.
Inkechi:I'm not only your host, but I am a vibrant optimist to bring you empowering content.
Inkechi:With each episode, we will be bringing you content, alternating between longer episodes with feature guests and shorter episodes called Empowering Bites, where I'll be joined by my co host, Gabby Mamone.
Inkechi:So if you're ready, let the show begin.
Inkechi:Great day, amazing humans.
Carlin:Yes.
Inkechi:Welcome to the next episode of Empowered my Skin, the podcast.
Inkechi:Our next guest is an expert in emotional intelligence, cultural leadership development, and social impact innovation.
Inkechi:As the founder of sister talk group and KDPM Equity Institute, she integrates emotional intelligence with ancestral leadership to help professionals like myself and organizations foster purpose driven leadership and psychological well being.
Inkechi:Her innovative tools, such as the success system, which I have so many years of them, and EQ clarity coaching, are designed to support leaders in building resilience, self awareness, and cultural competence rooted in human equity.
Inkechi:She has been featured on platforms like City Line and Oprah's life class, and her work includes leading corporate retreats, developing equity focused cultural programs, and partnering with organizations to create inclusive, transformative cultures.
Inkechi:But now I'm going to just kind of also tell you about this amazing human whom I'm about to announce.
Inkechi:And she just holds space.
Inkechi:She holds space in, like, just in our b roll.
Inkechi:Like, just being in the presence and sharing something from my heart just brought, like, allowed me this space of safety.
Inkechi:And so she holds space in such a way that just allows all of us, regardless of our backgrounds, where we come from, to feel safe in her presence.
Inkechi:And so really, really excited to pick her brain about leadership, especially from an ancestral perspective, and really dive into that topic.
Inkechi:So, without further ado, I want you to give me a huge podcast welcome.
Inkechi:Join me and a huge podcast welcome for the best and the La Carly Purcell.
Inkechi:Oh, my God.
Inkechi:Oh, my God.
Carlin:I think, wow, what an intro.
Inkechi:Thank you for how you hold space for me all the time.
Inkechi:Like, it's never a time where I haven't, like, anyway, seeing you, and I'm gonna need.
Carlin:I mean, you have.
Carlin:You introduced, you reintroduced me to myself early on this year, and now I think I'm gonna not.
Carlin:I think I'm going to have a bold ass because you use the success system, you know, the principles we have in there of, you need to record an intro for me now.
Inkechi:I will.
Carlin:When you did that, that, you know, that, that small intro, it was just, it's so beautiful to feel seen.
Carlin:And thank you for that beautiful intro because I feel you are such a beautiful light, and you bring so much joy in the world, and you bring so much love to everyone you meet.
Carlin:I think you're one of the few people who understand that purpose is something you are.
Carlin:You don't have to even work on it because your very presence is the gift.
Carlin:It is.
Inkechi:Oh, my gosh.
Carlin:Isn't it?
Carlin:Right.
Carlin:Yes, it is.
Carlin:And so many things.
Inkechi:Personal brand, right?
Inkechi:It's not something you have to go.
Carlin:And get, you know, beyond personal Brando.
Carlin:I mean, I know there's so much for us to talk about, but even the whole concept of personal brand, I think it's something that has been so.
Carlin:It's a eurocentric approach to understanding self, but I feel like it still keeps a barrier between really knowing and understanding who you are.
Carlin:And while I understand the concept, I think it's more important to align to your purpose than brand.
Carlin:You can express your purpose through it, but I think the content of personal brand, sometimes it forces people into a box of conform and contort.
Carlin:And if you don't know who you are, then it becomes almost a bit.
Carlin:I don't want to say it's not dangerous, but you just create more headaches for yourself.
Carlin:Building a personal brand, it's almost like you're putting on.
Inkechi:Yeah.
Inkechi:So it's actually, I think where I was actually aligning with personal brand, too, is not this thing where you need to take a course, you need to read a book and this any other.
Inkechi:I think for me, like, if I had to really describe what my personal brand is, it's so unorthodox.
Inkechi:Like, I'm going to tell you that it's my energy and it's my insatiable optimism.
Inkechi:Right.
Carlin:Like, if you ask me, what's your brand?
Carlin:In one word, I would say it's joy, it's love.
Inkechi:Right.
Inkechi:Or.
Inkechi:Yes.
Carlin:So.
Inkechi:And then after that, I use that personal brand to be expressed in the work I do, you know?
Inkechi:Yeah.
Inkechi:But a lot of people think it has to be this really intellectual.
Inkechi:I'm like, no, it's actually.
Inkechi:It's actually that.
Inkechi:And when you realize that, I mean, I think I probably recognize that people always said I was energetic before I recognized that that was a brand, you know?
Inkechi:Yeah.
Carlin:Yes.
Inkechi:So to that end, to kick us off, because we're probably gonna get into personal brand, I think.
Inkechi:Cause I think I would love to actually really get you to talk about, truly from like, a Carlin perspective, how you define, like, how people can actually lock, like, find or define the personal brand or at least discover it for themselves.
Inkechi:Right.
Inkechi:But first of all, today, what has been your most empowering thought that you've had so far?
Carlin:Oh, wow.
Carlin:For today?
Inkechi:Yes, today.
Carlin:Yeah.
Carlin:It's funny, I was just reading this quote by Bell Hooks, and it says that I looked for love, but I found freedom.
Carlin:And I love that quote because it reminds me that love is something that allows us to connect to the deepest and the most precious parts of ourselves.
Carlin:And there's freedom in that.
Carlin:So that's the quote that's been on my mind and on my heart.
Carlin:And there's a quote by Alicia Mathlin.
Carlin:Actually, I was just reading her book yesterday, meditation Pusher.
Carlin:It's called the future we make.
Carlin:And there's a quote on there where she says that life is meant to be revered and deeply rooted in love.
Carlin:Right.
Carlin:So I find that love has been coming up around a lot, and I think my purpose on this earth is to love.
Inkechi:Is to love.
Inkechi:Yeah.
Carlin:So going back to that personal brand, to me, to me, that's what it is.
Carlin:And I think for all of us, it is.
Carlin:It's just different expressions of it and different.
Inkechi:Right, exactly.
Carlin:But we all come back to the same thing.
Carlin:So that's the thought.
Carlin:What was the most empowering thought you had today?
Inkechi:Well, so my common thread has always been that everything that passes by me is better because it did.
Inkechi:And today that was like, I had a lot of empowering thoughts, to be quite honest.
Inkechi:But.
Inkechi:Because I do my self talk in the morning.
Inkechi:But I would say that that's the one that I intentionally knew I had to settle in today because I knew I was going to be having some difficult conversations.
Inkechi:I knew that I was going to be having, like, a stretched calendar.
Inkechi:So meeting to meeting to meeting.
Inkechi:And I, and it was just this thing that says, no, Inc.
Inkechi:Like, just every experience and situation you have today is going to be better because you were in it.
Inkechi:And if you kind of leave from that space, it ends up like, now.
Inkechi:I recognize I had no difficult conversations today.
Inkechi:I just hadn't really had conversations that we had to work through some, some, you know, some matters, you know.
Inkechi:So I love that.
Carlin:Yeah.
Inkechi:So I, I have so many ways I can start, but I think what just came to me is because of the, because as I was reading your intro, and I just, you know, had to end on that piece as to what it actually means to occupy space with you.
Inkechi:And I recognized that after my last encounter with you at Edxail 2.0, where we took those pictures, the sun had come out.
Inkechi:And then the next day, like, very organically, a whole photo reel just showed up on my phone with all Carlin pictures.
Inkechi:How's that algorithm?
Carlin:What AI is that?
Carlin:Talk about.
Carlin:Talk about alignment.
Inkechi:Put that together.
Inkechi:And so.
Inkechi:And when I look at myself, and a lot of times you were there supporting me, like, a lot of the pictures, you're there behind me.
Inkechi:And what I felt when I looked at what was coming out with me is what I actually think you talk about is dreaming big.
Inkechi:Like, I think from.
Inkechi:It's almost like there was this vantage point where you were looking at the camera, and it's almost like in here, you saying, like, think big of yourself.
Inkechi:Dream big.
Inkechi:Reach high reach.
Inkechi:So that's.
Inkechi:I know that's a big part of what you communicate and at least the messaging that I feel you give.
Inkechi:And so what, like, what is.
Inkechi:Like, where's that coming from?
Inkechi:And what is that for you?
Carlin:Oh, that's.
Carlin:That's.
Carlin:That's such a powerful starting point, because I think, for me, dream and big started when, growing up in the Caribbean, in St.
Carlin:Lucia.
Carlin:I grew up in a very small village, and there's a lot of narrative around, because you grew up in a small village, you're poor.
Carlin:If you speak our ancestral language, for example, Nepale Patois, it's a fusion of French, Latin, Spanish, and English.
Carlin:There's a lot of inherited narrative.
Carlin:I realized that when I prioritize them, I didn't think that much of myself.
Carlin:I thought that I wasn't good enough.
Carlin:I thought that I wasn't smart.
Carlin:Like there was.
Carlin:There was always a.
Carlin:Wasn't something enough, like, I just wasn't enough.
Carlin:And over the years, as I was introduced to other narratives, or, I guess you can say, sort of tapping into my imagination, I realized that, wait, I never really interrogated that narrative that told me that I wasn't good enough.
Carlin:And I realized that when I did, there was a lot of untruths that didn't really belong to me.
Carlin:It was just a narrative that was imposed.
Carlin:So, I really believe that when we dream big, this is when we actually tap into the full expression of who we are, including what we think about ourselves, what we think about, who we are, where we're coming from, where we're going.
Carlin:So, to me, dreaming big is revolutionary.
Carlin:And it's also anchored in the quote, which I learned later.
Carlin:Two quotes that really shifted one.
Carlin:The Marcus Garvey quote that has been popularized through Bob Marley.
Carlin:Emancipate from yourself, from mental slavery.
Carlin:None but ourselves can free our minds.
Carlin:Let me tell you this.
Carlin:This quote chased me.
Carlin:Oh.
Carlin:When I left St.
Carlin: cia and I moved to Toronto in: Carlin:Well, I'm in a new environment.
Carlin:You know, when you change your clothes, you change your hair, and you're like, everything is good.
Carlin:I'm good.
Carlin:But if you don't change your thoughts and your mind and your thinking, you're right back to where you started.
Carlin:I realized that our mindset is the most powerful tool, and it can take you back to the well or to the bottom or to the dungeons, and it can keep you there forever if you allow it.
Carlin:So, for me, dreaming big, I had to create a practice for myself around that.
Carlin:I was like, if we dream big, I go beyond the inherited narratives.
Carlin:If I dream big, I invite new perspective, new thinking, new ways of being and seeing.
Carlin:And the other quote is that quote.
Carlin:I can't remember the name of the author right now, but it says, the most powerful tool in the hands of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed.
Inkechi:Ooh.
Inkechi:Right?
Inkechi:Because they can make them do anything if they don't believe them.
Carlin:If you separate a people from the.
Inkechi:Culture, I look up who that quote is.
Inkechi:Okay?
Carlin:If you separate a people from the culture and you feed them a certain narrative, you keep them hostage, and you will have them doing anything you want them to do because they believe that narrative.
Carlin:So, to me, dreaming big is about exploring my imagination, my creativity, who I am, even the whole concept around sister talk.
Carlin:I remember when I first started sister talk, for example, I was told that women don't want to talk about the feelings and emotions.
Carlin:And I'm like, okay.
Carlin:But I do.
Carlin:And if I do, there might be others like me who might want to.
Carlin:So.
Carlin:And that's what I've learned of the power of dreaming big.
Carlin:If you, the individual who have that spark.
Carlin:And that's why every spark deserves a pause.
Carlin:Because if you get that little insight, that little spark, spend time with it.
Carlin:That is where our magic and our true power lies.
Carlin:So that's why dream big for me is so important.
Inkechi:Every spark deserves a pause.
Inkechi:That's a big one now.
Inkechi:God, so many things.
Inkechi:So, expression was one.
Inkechi:Then you went to practice.
Inkechi:Now every spark.
Inkechi:So, let's just talk about what a practice of dreaming big for someone can look like.
Inkechi:Like what could they start to introduce into their.
Inkechi:Oh, she's ready.
Carlin:It's.
Carlin:No, it's a.
Carlin:I love acronyms.
Carlin:Those two quotes.
Carlin:What it made me realize, and I remember there were moments when I used to go to work, and I was very, I know who I am.
Carlin:I'm purposeful.
Carlin:I'm doing my work.
Carlin:Obstacles sure get me down temporarily, but I'm back on it.
Carlin:I'm going.
Carlin:And there are days I'm back to the, why am I here?
Carlin:Who am I?
Carlin:Nobody believes me.
Carlin:Or, no, like, again, enough conversation.
Carlin:And I'm like, but yesterday was good.
Carlin:Why am I back at the bottom of the barrel today?
Carlin:Right of the self worth bearer.
Carlin:What happened?
Carlin:What happened?
Carlin:So I realized that not only is dream and big a practice, it's a system.
Carlin:So this is also why I studied neuroscience.
Carlin:In terms of how does the brain work?
Carlin:What's emotional intelligence?
Carlin:So, the reason why I got excited is in my studying for my neuro leadership certification, I learned about the chunking process of the brain.
Carlin:Like, the brain has its own language, and that's how I created the Dream acronym.
Carlin:So when people.
Carlin:Because I believe that telling your story comes with responsibility.
Carlin:If I tell my story, and just as you asked me right here, you're like, oh, so what is that in practice?
Carlin:What does that look like?
Carlin:I realized that if you have been given a purpose of sharing with others, there's a responsibility for sharing the tools as well.
Carlin:So then I started, you know, creating the tool.
Carlin:So, dream, I'd love to share with.
Inkechi:You, and I'm gonna take notes, if y'all don't mind.
Carlin:And, I mean, we can use this to frame the rest of our conversation, because, like you said, there's so many places we can go, but we have very limited time.
Carlin:So d stands for I had to make a decision to make dreaming big a living practice, meaning that it had to be something that I do every day.
Carlin:And when you look at the root word of decide, decide means to cut off.
Carlin:So every decision comes with leaving something behind.
Carlin:In order for you to make a decision to move forward, you have to leave something behind, because you can't take everything.
Inkechi:That's right.
Inkechi:Yes, I can.
Inkechi:Yeah.
Inkechi:I've never really thought about that.
Inkechi:Like that.
Carlin:Yeah.
Carlin:So decision means to cut off.
Carlin:So, for example, if you missed a decision to dream big.
Inkechi:Yeah.
Inkechi:Yeah.
Inkechi:You're leaving a dream small.
Carlin:Yeah.
Carlin:I can't think small.
Carlin:There are certain words that needs to go out of my vocabulary.
Inkechi:Yeah.
Inkechi:Okay.
Carlin:There are certain things that I cannot.
Carlin:I can no longer hang out around certain people, because they are determined to hold me to an old version of myself.
Carlin:So the other d.
Carlin:So I have three ds, what?
Carlin:Each of the acronyms were dreams.
Carlin:So the first one is d is to decide to, you need to have a desire that's greater than your past.
Carlin:So that's where the vision and come in.
Carlin:What is the vision you have for yourself and for your life?
Carlin:What is that desire?
Carlin:So you have to go on this.
Carlin:And I call it, to me, it's one of the most powerful things in terms of going on a cultural exploration.
Carlin:This is why I got interested in ancestral leadership.
Carlin:I wanted a definition of leadership that's not rooted in a white man's definition.
Carlin:Patriarchal definition.
Inkechi:Very homogeneous.
Carlin:Yeah, yeah, very homogeneous.
Inkechi:Yeah.
Carlin:I was like, what else is there?
Carlin:Because as much as that, I resonate with this.
Carlin:There was a bit of a cap, right.
Carlin:It didn't, it didn't really connect with my soul.
Carlin:I needed more.
Carlin:And if you, and if you understand the power of epigenetics, then you know that our ancestors passed on so many untold stories and joy and so much through our DNA and also through our stories.
Carlin:So it's decide desire.
Carlin:And the last one was design.
Carlin:Dreaming big cannot be left for chance.
Carlin:You got to design your lifestyle around it.
Carlin:And this is why, that's why I really appreciated you.
Carlin:And I think I've told you this offline with doing this whole fashion thing.
Carlin:I mean, I didn't really think of myself as a fashion icon.
Carlin:You know, people have given, bestowed some people, because I'm pretty sure there's no other.
Carlin:She's not a fashion icon, which is fine.
Carlin:But the designing of my lifestyle, what helped me to stay in connection of dreaming bigger, I wanted to invest in the dreams of others.
Carlin:And there's no one more powerful than black women.
Carlin:Like, when black women dream, we shift mountains, we create villages, we create country.
Carlin:Like, we shift things.
Carlin:We make things happen.
Inkechi:Yes, we do.
Inkechi:Amen.
Carlin:And one of the most powerful habit practices that I learned on my journey is that you should always habit stack.
Carlin:Build your habits on the things that are already easy.
Carlin:Right.
Carlin:And James clear also talks about that, too.
Carlin:How do you habit stack?
Carlin:What do you do every day?
Carlin:We got a shower.
Carlin:We got to brush our teeth.
Carlin:Gotta get dressed.
Carlin:Okay.
Carlin:What can you do with those three things in the shower?
Carlin:You can do your affirmations.
Carlin:Water is so powerful.
Carlin:We are water.
Carlin:Our bodies are 80% water.
Carlin:As you're in the water and your thoughts are free flowing, what's your self talk tape?
Carlin:What's your dream big affirmation.
Carlin:What music are you listening to?
Carlin:What podcasts are you listening to?
Carlin:Right.
Carlin:I'm getting dressed.
Carlin:I cannot just put any clothes on me.
Carlin:I remember that time I went, and I don't know if you can resonate with you.
Carlin:When I went through my wardrobe, I picked up certain clothes, and I can feel the energy when I bought this because I was trying to escape a difficult conversational situation.
Inkechi:Ooh, that's a.
Inkechi:Wow.
Carlin:I was trying to shop my way through discomfort instead of sitting in the discomfort and doing the work.
Carlin:And when I picked up the outfit, the clothes, I felt it, and I could see it.
Carlin:So I made a promise to myself to be more intentional with what I wear.
Carlin:And in order for me to practice Ujima Ujama, you talked about ancestral leadership.
Carlin:I thought about all those amazing practices our ancestors left behind for us.
Carlin:I'm like, where is this design in your lifestyle?
Carlin:How are you practicing this on a daily basis?
Carlin:If you want to.
Carlin:If we really believe that we are each other's keeper, the community.
Carlin:I'm responsible for our community wellness and development, then where I spend my money matter.
Inkechi:Yeah, right.
Inkechi:Honestly, I had to beat you up.
Inkechi:One time, I got onto a conversation with Aneka Allen, and we got.
Inkechi:And I was like.
Inkechi:And she was telling me about somebody.
Inkechi:I was like, uh oh, I know someone that, like, doesn't the best.
Inkechi:I don't know anyone that doesn't do it better than you.
Inkechi:It's.
Carlin:It's.
Carlin:And when you think about.
Carlin:For me, I didn't learn about my ancestry until I did my.
Carlin:My DNA, and I traced my roots to West Africa.
Carlin:I still haven't been to Nigeria yet.
Carlin:I traced my roots to Nigeria.
Carlin:Bennettogo.
Carlin:But I can start learning about my history through the designers who care about their own communities.
Carlin:When I buy a piece of clothing and I see the story from, whether it's money, Fuga or Andrea Yama or even, you know, kaya, do your studio.
Carlin:She studio specifically, she talks about the craft and the cotton and the fabric and how it honors the crafting technique left by her great grandmother or the people in her town.
Carlin:To me, fashion is such an opportunity for us to be cultural historians, right?
Carlin:For us to build our threads of heritage in a way that really speaks to the full cultural identity of who we are.
Carlin:So the design became so important to me.
Carlin:I had to be even particular about what I wear, who I wear, and who I'm invested in.
Carlin:And investing in other black women just really took me to another level.
Carlin:I felt more confident when I was walking.
Carlin:Because the clothes we carry tell a story to me.
Carlin:I want to walk in a room and tell a story without saying anything because this black woman is tired.
Inkechi:Come on.
Inkechi:If anyone's like, if anyone isn't listening to this right now and sitting there saying, okay, I gotta, I gotta do something about my closet.
Inkechi:I know we talk about it many a times, you know.
Inkechi:Anyway, I want, I want, I've had this conversation with Carlin before, and Carlin, just because I think it really, to me, speaks about empowering my skin to that.
Inkechi:Yes, yes.
Inkechi:Just for the listeners, talk to the level of your intention, like your bracelets, your rings, your earrings, the.
Inkechi:Like, she's just talking about her fabric.
Inkechi:Everything on every single day is done with such a meaningful intention.
Inkechi:And it is your cloak.
Inkechi:It is, you know, it is.
Inkechi:With covering your skin.
Carlin:It's my cultural armor.
Carlin:It's my ability to walk in a room and not let anyone tell me who they think I am.
Carlin:I know who I am designing it.
Carlin:Vintage, sustainability.
Carlin:I mean, this ring is from a vintage store.
Carlin:This is from a black.
Carlin:She does, you know, the mandala designs?
Carlin:No, it's called the fabioni.
Carlin:Oh.
Carlin:I can't remember exactly how you say it, but it's a special numbering design.
Carlin:And as you know, Fibonacci.
Carlin:Thank you.
Carlin:That's it.
Carlin:Fibonacci.
Carlin:Yes.
Carlin:She does incredible work.
Carlin:And I also like wearing jewelry that reminds me of my travels.
Carlin:I got this bracelet in Rwanda from the local crafters and designers.
Carlin:This is also from a vintage store.
Carlin:To me, it's such, if I'm alive, I have an opportunity to be a blessing to someone else, whether it's a designer or from a local store, local craft stores.
Carlin:We get to carry each other's story with us everywhere we go.
Carlin:And I think it's such a privilege to do that.
Carlin:I mean, those errands are not, I think those earrings are probably, you know, h and M or, you know, Zara.
Carlin:But, but it's, it's every time I get dressed, either I have something vintage.
Inkechi:That makes me feel better, by the way, because I'm wearing a Zara dress.
Inkechi:So.
Carlin:Oh, no, no, no.
Carlin:It's no shame.
Carlin:And I want to say that I don't want anybody to feel, you know what?
Carlin:I know, it's okay.
Carlin:And what I would say is that make sure every time you get dressed, you're telling the story.
Carlin:You're wearing the narrative.
Carlin:You are being in the narrative, you're not being told what the narrative is about you.
Inkechi:That, I think is the narrative.
Inkechi:That is.
Inkechi:And you know, immigrants.
Inkechi:Immigrants need to hear that.
Carlin:Yes.
Carlin:Oh, bring all your cultural wearing attire.
Carlin:No one will give you space.
Carlin:You have to take up space.
Inkechi:That's the point.
Inkechi:No one will give you space.
Inkechi:You have to take up space.
Carlin:You have to take up space.
Carlin:And there will be some people who will tell you that you're doing too much.
Carlin:That's okay.
Carlin:Their level of discomfort or their level of comfort isn't your barometer for being seen.
Carlin:That's just their level of comfort.
Carlin:So then don't play or make yourself smaller because of that.
Carlin:Which takes me to the next level in the Dream big acronym.
Carlin:So the dream big d is decide that you're going to dream big desire.
Carlin:Think about your vision and design your lifestyle around it.
Carlin:You see, just as you say, you had so many empowering thoughts today, it tells me that you've designed your life to ensure that those thoughts are priority to you.
Carlin:So our stands for reflect, reframe, and release.
Carlin:So the first thing is reflecting on, based on the knowledge that you have acquired through your lived experience wisdom.
Carlin:And again, I'm going to say it again.
Carlin:Your lived experience wisdom, especially for black folks or indigenous folks, and folks, have been systemically marginalized.
Carlin:Our lived experience is sometimes used as a research point.
Carlin:Oh, yeah, we went through trauma, went through it.
Carlin:That's one part of our story.
Carlin:Who else are you?
Carlin:Have you explored your full cultural identity in terms of understanding who you are?
Carlin:And again, that's where I'm going to keep using fashion, because I think it's such an accessible storyline, and it's also very visual.
Carlin:That's also why I am very deliberate with ordering from african brands and being introduced to the fabric.
Carlin:I don't know if I'll be able to go to every part of the continent, right?
Carlin:Because even the idea of going there for vacation was never something that was.
Carlin:That's.
Carlin:That was sold to us.
Carlin:If anything, it was infused with fear, and we didn't want to go to the continent, right.
Carlin:And now we get to reframe our cultural identity not from a lens of the imposed identity of blackness in terms of a black woman allowed with this.
Carlin:We're.
Carlin:That.
Carlin:That's your narrative.
Carlin:You keep it.
Carlin:What I have learned about myself is that I am powerful.
Carlin:Purpose is assigned to me.
Carlin:From the day I was born, I was left with a treasure chest of ancestral wisdom and knowledge and ways of being, because we are not the first to navigate this world in its current form this time of the year.
Carlin:It's different.
Carlin:Absolutely.
Carlin:But our ancestors went through a different version where they left us so many clues.
Carlin:I'm pretty sure, like you, when you heard in terms of how we did braids and we had maps and we included, whether it's rice or other food, because there was, you know, they didn't allow us to eat.
Carlin:Like, I am blown away of how innovative we are.
Carlin:And when you think about all the things we invented, even though we weren't taught how to read and write, even though we were on the very severe and strenuous conditions, look at what we birthed.
Carlin:So, what I learned from that is that we're cultural alchemists.
Carlin:We are innovators.
Carlin:We don't just, yeah, we may come and sit at a table, but we also create tables.
Carlin:So, to me, it taught me that dreaming big is actually my birthright.
Carlin:Doesn't matter what my circumstances.
Carlin:I need to dream big.
Carlin:So the reframing helps.
Carlin:And I'm pretty sure you've done this.
Carlin:When you find yourself talking about yourself in the past, or.
Carlin:Or you might be very unkind to yourself, you reframe and you remind yourself, grace is the language of love, right?
Carlin:Every single day.
Carlin:And the last one is release.
Carlin:How do we release the narratives, the people, the things that don't belong to us?
Inkechi:Even though that's a hard thing for.
Inkechi:That's a hard thing for a lot of people, right?
Inkechi:Like.
Inkechi:Like, release.
Inkechi:With release comes change, right.
Inkechi:Transformation.
Carlin:Change.
Carlin:And discomfort.
Inkechi:And discomfort.
Inkechi:And you.
Inkechi:And it's easier to hold on to the thing that you think you stand to lose versus saying, okay, there is something that I'm going to gain.
Inkechi:I just can't see it yet, you know?
Carlin:Exactly.
Carlin:It's so important, because when you release, you make space for what is or for what's coming, right?
Carlin:I always see releasing as, you know, you tell God that, okay, God, I want more opportunities or I want more food.
Carlin:I want, you know, whatever it is.
Carlin:But we're like this, holding on to what no longer serves us.
Carlin:And I think it was Robin.
Carlin:What's her name?
Carlin:Robin.
Carlin:She's in the US.
Carlin:She said something around that we're sitting at tables eating crumbs, convincing ourselves that we are full, right?
Carlin:So, to me, when we release, you make room for more.
Carlin:And this is why, for me, it's so powerful for us to.
Carlin:To understand that discomfort is actually a good thing, because it means that you're clearing space for, oh, I don't know what's next or what's coming, but the brain loves the comfort zone.
Carlin:So when you move away from the comfort zone, it gets in a little bit of a.
Carlin:Oh, my gosh.
Carlin:What's going on?
Carlin:Remember the last time you tried something?
Carlin:Then your negativity bias, or what I call your inner critic, it becomes very loud.
Carlin:Just understand that your inner critic has a job to do.
Carlin:Right.
Carlin:That's fine.
Carlin:What is that desire, that vision for the d?
Carlin:What is that desire?
Carlin:Make that louder, make that greater, make it more visible, make it more visual, and I'll give you an example.
Carlin:So much so.
Carlin:My niece, who's a nurse, Mike, she's such a beautiful soul.
Carlin:When I don't have the energy, and I'm like, ugh.
Carlin:Oh, it's a rough day.
Carlin:I'm checking in with her.
Carlin:She had a rough day at the hospital, and we're both encouraging each other.
Carlin:We have now this little phrase that she told me.
Carlin:She's like, auntie, get up.
Carlin:Those poofy dresses or those big poofy.
Carlin:She's like, you know, those big poofy arms and kimonos.
Carlin:You like, they're not gonna buy themselves.
Carlin:She's like, they're not gonna buy themselves, you know?
Carlin:And I'm like, you know what?
Carlin:She's right.
Inkechi:Right.
Inkechi:She's right.
Carlin:Because I'm.
Carlin:Now, because I've gotten more intentional.
Carlin:There are so many other designers I want to add to my closet.
Inkechi:Yeah.
Carlin:I have a huge.
Carlin:I have a huge wish list.
Carlin:So reflect, reframe, and release.
Carlin:And reflection is where we gather the wisdom from our lived experience.
Carlin:And it's so important for us to give us, ourselves that gift of wisdom, because when.
Inkechi:And I think in reflection, the most important thing is become sacially curious.
Inkechi:Right?
Inkechi:Because in reflection, there's probably questions that come.
Inkechi:That need to come up, that need to be.
Inkechi:Yeah, yeah.
Carlin:And questions are good.
Carlin:Sometimes we think questions are bad.
Carlin:Questions are good.
Carlin:Questions activate that part of your brain that is on the, you know, curiosity.
Carlin:Okay, what are my options?
Carlin:What's next?
Carlin:And you don't always need an answer for a question.
Carlin:Sometimes the question is the answer.
Inkechi:Right?
Inkechi:That's big.
Carlin:Sometimes the question, in the end, I think it was that it was Nora Zilhurst who said that there are years we have questions, and there are years we have.
Carlin:So, again, so to just be comfortable and be okay with having those questions.
Carlin:So.
Carlin:E.
Carlin:So we have d, right?
Inkechi:Exactly.
Inkechi:Like a student, I'm like.
Carlin:Because I think we have this love in common.
Carlin:I think we both are lifelong learners.
Inkechi:And to anyone that's listening or watching, I really don't know.
Inkechi:Like, I'm actually.
Inkechi:Let's go, e.
Inkechi:Let's go.
Carlin:E.
Carlin:E stands for in order to dream big, you have to eliminate.
Carlin:So we talked about letting, releasing.
Carlin:You have to eliminate.
Carlin:Eliminate, whether it's food, whether it's habits, whether it's people, again, whether it's practices.
Carlin:It's also even places that you find yourself going.
Carlin:You have to do an elimination.
Carlin:One of the things I get my clients to do sometimes as a coaching exercise is to make a stop doing list.
Carlin:Right.
Carlin:We like to do a lot of.
Carlin:Yeah.
Carlin:What we're gonna do, but what are some of the things we need to stop doing?
Inkechi:Yeah.
Inkechi:And, you know, it's interesting because you also had so in the art, you had release, but release and eliminate are completely.
Inkechi:They're actually really two different things.
Inkechi:Right.
Inkechi:I just want to make sure that the listeners kind of catch that.
Inkechi:Yeah, it's two different.
Carlin:Because sometimes you can energetically or emotionally release something.
Inkechi:Yes, that's right.
Inkechi:That's why.
Carlin:Yeah.
Inkechi:You're actually physically.
Inkechi:Right.
Inkechi:Yeah.
Carlin:You can eliminate, like, you know, you're no longer in the presence of the person or the thing.
Carlin:It's gone.
Carlin:But there is that emotional attachment, which is actually what keeps the wound alive in our souls and our being.
Carlin:So eliminate and again.
Carlin:Give yourself grace.
Carlin:Everything we're talking about, it will take a while.
Carlin:Sometimes it might take a year, may take two years.
Carlin:That's okay.
Carlin:You're a human being having a human experience.
Carlin:You're not a robot.
Carlin:So give yourself grace as you eliminate.
Carlin:The other thing is also to enhance, you have to be a witness to what you respond to and how you respond to it.
Carlin:You know, the concept of emotional intelligence is like being a fly in your own life, right?
Carlin:What do you.
Carlin:What do you need to enhance?
Carlin:Or what are you willing to enhance in your life?
Carlin:Is it your communication skills?
Carlin:Is it your self awareness skills, like the growth?
Carlin:What are you willing to enhance?
Carlin:Because there's so much that you're doing good.
Carlin:But again, because of the brain's negativity bias, we think that we always need to be doing.
Carlin:Doing.
Carlin:No, sometimes you got to notice what's good and build on that good so that the brain understands the positivity bias.
Carlin:And just, you know, as an aside, when it comes to positive experiences, the brain acts like Teflon.
Carlin:It just doesn't store it, because our brains are wired to keep us safe, not happy.
Carlin:But when it comes to something bad, the brain is like, up front folder.
Carlin:Put in the front folder right there, and immediately you try.
Carlin:You try a new lipstick color.
Carlin:Oh, remember in the grade school, that guy said, you were ugly.
Inkechi:Right?
Inkechi:The lipstick takes you back.
Carlin:It takes you back to the most.
Carlin:Like, where did that come from?
Carlin:And it's so funny.
Inkechi:There's.
Inkechi:I was reading this book, the untethered Soul and Michael singers.
Inkechi:I can't.
Inkechi:I can't.
Inkechi:I'm not gonna remember how funny he kind of.
Inkechi:But he actually said, like, it's okay to have those thoughts.
Carlin:Yes.
Inkechi:Just don't engage with them.
Carlin:Just date them.
Inkechi:Let it go.
Inkechi:Yeah.
Carlin:If you're going one date and in the middle of the date, you're like, what am I doing?
Carlin:Why am I entertaining?
Carlin:You just get up and go.
Inkechi:Yeah.
Carlin:And that's what I was about to share.
Carlin:I was gonna say what I do with my inner critic, I just noticed.
Carlin:And I said, what do you need right now?
Carlin:Is it a hug?
Carlin:Do you want to just come sit at the table with me?
Carlin:Because you're interested in what I'm doing, but you just afraid sit here.
Carlin:So I let my Gremlin sit here, and I just let it, you know, have its little tantrum.
Inkechi:Cause then eventually it's gone, right?
Carlin:Eventually it's gone.
Carlin:Eventually it's gone.
Carlin:Exactly.
Carlin:And the last thing is execution.
Carlin:And I know you're also very big on that.
Carlin:Like, what do you need to execute?
Carlin:What are you taking action on?
Carlin:And now you're taking on action on the wrong things.
Carlin:When I say the wrong things again, and the first step you'll always do is observation.
Carlin:Where's my time going?
Carlin:If you say there's something you're really passionate about that you want to do, like, just last night, Pollyanna, you know, posted something about sending her 300th newsletter, and I've been wanting to do more newsletter, and she's like, well, like, what's the excuse?
Carlin:So I had to call myself in.
Carlin:I'm like, I mean, the content is there.
Carlin:You ain't got no excuse.
Carlin:You just need to sit.
Carlin:Like, what are you doing that's taking your time away from this?
Carlin:We just gotta be honest where the time's going, right?
Carlin:So I had to.
Carlin:I had to go and eliminate the excuses and tell myself, okay, what does it look like now to build a practice where I can consistently show up with letters and put it out there?
Inkechi:And for me, what I did for me is my say do.
Inkechi:I was in a season of a lot of say, but not doing not enough to.
Inkechi:Yeah, yeah.
Inkechi:So now you're doing say do ratio.
Inkechi:Hi.
Inkechi:Yes.
Carlin:I love that.
Carlin:So the execution piece, and the one thing that I'll say about that season of enhancing, eliminating, and executing is that you will be called to practice what you need the most in every season of your life.
Carlin:So if you find yourself with a lot of.
Carlin:Why is everybody pissing me off?
Carlin:Why I can't even be around people right now?
Carlin:You have been called to practice patience with yourself.
Carlin:If you find yourself, how come nobody's, you know, pouring into whatever it might be?
Carlin:You have been called.
Carlin:Because the first point of enhancing your relationship with others is starting with yourself, right?
Carlin:It begins with you.
Carlin:Because once you've.
Carlin:You've really gotten into that graceful.
Carlin:And I always say that the foundation of self love is self friendship.
Carlin:Once you start befriending yourself again, right?
Carlin:And you give yourself that grace, that patience, that kindness, you watch how you talk to yourself.
Carlin:You watch how you treat yourself, especially when you're short on time, right?
Inkechi:What might it be?
Inkechi:In a season where you're not feeling like your mojo, like you just can't feel the motivation to do what you feel you've been called to do in this world, what.
Inkechi:What do you think that could be a symptom?
Carlin:I would.
Carlin:I would check in with the assumption as to why you think you should be doing more than what you currently have the energy to do.
Carlin:Whose expectations are you gauging yourself against?
Carlin:Because sometimes when we have been called to do something, we tend to see motivation as this.
Carlin:Ra ra ra, go, go, go, do, do, do, do.
Carlin:Maybe you just need to rest more.
Carlin:Maybe you need to be quiet to listen to yourself.
Carlin:Because you know there's movement in silence, right?
Carlin:There's movement in the pause.
Carlin:And when God has called you for something, no one can take it away.
Carlin:I mean, there is an urgency because we know when we're not in aligned with our purpose.
Carlin:This is when the dis ease comes in, right?
Carlin:Because you know you're not aligned, so you feel it, whether it's through your hair, your skin, or the fatigue, right?
Carlin:So I would say is check to see what that is.
Carlin:And if you are doing all that you can based on your current capacity and commitments, because some.
Carlin:I know there are some folks who are caregivers, and you might be the one everybody's coming to.
Carlin:Maybe you've been called to set better boundaries, to set yourself up, to do more of that thing so you can support yourself better.
Carlin:And it's something we're not taught.
Carlin:That's why a lot of my work is really around understanding what you need in your cup before you start taking your cup and doing this for everybody.
Inkechi:Yes.
Carlin:Because you will notice that people will keep handing out their cup without a thought of saying, well, Ankuchi, do you have enough in your cup?
Carlin:Can I top you up?
Carlin:Can I go and get the water for you?
Inkechi:Yeah, yeah.
Carlin:Take us the takers.
Carlin:And that's the only thing they need to know, especially when they're around people who haven't set up boundaries.
Carlin:So it's important for you to.
Carlin:Okay, what do I need in this season?
Carlin:And don't forget that each season comes with different lessons.
Carlin:So, if you need this season, the next three months, to just pause, explore, reflect, refrain, do that the next season.
Carlin:Okay?
Carlin:Because now you.
Carlin:You're moving ahead with more clarity, with more truth, and also with more trust.
Carlin:Give yourself the space and time to hear yourself, to explore what you want.
Carlin:So, even when you go to others and ask for insight, you're coming from a place of your truth and not noise in your head or what you think you should.
Inkechi:Hmm.
Carlin:Okay, but that's.
Carlin:That's such a great question.
Carlin:So, after we eliminate, we enhance, and we execute, we're going to go to a, and we only have a and m left.
Carlin:So, a.
Carlin:A is ask.
Carlin:We talked about execution, but also there's action.
Carlin:Allow and allocate.
Carlin:I actually had four in a.
Carlin:In a because I found for a.
Carlin:A.
Carlin:Yes, you might be in a season of your bold ask.
Carlin:Are you asking for help?
Carlin:Are you asking for that?
Carlin:You know, whatever you need for the journey that you're on.
Carlin:Action.
Carlin:I mean, you know how important action is.
Carlin:But there's a difference between action that's coming from.
Carlin:I know we won't have time to get into it here today, but there's something.
Carlin:I frame it that way because it really helped me to differentiate.
Carlin:There's something called.
Carlin:I call it colonized action versus ancestral based action.
Inkechi:Right.
Carlin:Sometimes the colonized action.
Carlin:And I'll give you an example.
Carlin:I remember there was.
Carlin:There was a time that I wanted to launch one of my products, and I was.
Carlin:I was just speaking to the.
Carlin:To that person who was helping me, and we had all those things that we're gonna do and da da da.
Carlin:But really, my instinct was to just do it in this again, just the way that I was being guided to do it.
Carlin:But all the business coaches and the people out there said, well, you got to do it this.
Inkechi:And, like, this structure, kind of the.
Carlin:Structured, you know, didn't feel right, and the season didn't feel right.
Carlin:So sometimes you have to be clear around what action you've been called to do and take.
Carlin:There is some action that will require a particular structure but there are also seasons in your life where the structure has a little bit more flow.
Carlin: n the season of getting up at: Carlin: for the: Carlin:club, because I've been there.
Carlin:But maybe you find yourself in the season.
Carlin:Oh, man.
Carlin:Late at night, I'm really getting some stuff done.
Carlin:I feel quieter.
Carlin:I can hear myself.
Carlin:So I'm going to wake up a bit later.
Carlin:That's okay.
Carlin:So understand that in terms of your action allowing, what is your posture for allowing yourself to get help?
Carlin:So there's a difference between asking for help and receiving help.
Carlin:A lot of us are very uncomfortable allowing people to help us, allowing people to support us, allowing people to give us compliments.
Carlin:So I would say, look at what are you allowing?
Carlin:But also, some of us are also allowing people in our lives who are not even qualified to be in our presence.
Carlin:The energy is so disruptive and so harmful that we allow them in.
Carlin:And we are actively participating in our own, like, damage, in a way.
Carlin:Right.
Carlin:And I find that kind of betrayal is the hardest to come out of sometimes.
Inkechi:Right.
Carlin:I find myself sometimes when I was in a very deep self blame is when I was like, man, you should know better.
Carlin:But I've learned that it's important to forgive ourselves for shooting ourselves in a season when we did the best we could.
Carlin:Right.
Inkechi:Yeah.
Carlin:The knowledge I have today, that's not the knowledge I had ten years ago.
Carlin:I didn't know.
Carlin:I did my best.
Carlin:And sometimes we have to understand that our coping strategies and the best that we did back then, that was actually good.
Carlin:So you need to celebrate.
Carlin:Even though it was harmful, just give yourself permission to recognize this.
Carlin:And now you know better, so you'll do better.
Carlin:So allowing is very important to look at it on both sides.
Carlin:And the last one, allocate.
Carlin:And I like allocate because allocate is.
Carlin:We often.
Carlin:I don't want to say that we are very, like, we misuse our energy, but sometimes we allocate our emotional energy to things, people and places.
Carlin:That just doesn't deserve our energy.
Inkechi:Yeah, I agree.
Carlin:Right.
Carlin:That's why I'm very mindful about what I comment on online or what I wait on.
Inkechi:And that's a really good word, because I've never really looked at, like, it is an allocation of our time.
Inkechi:Of our time and energy.
Inkechi:Yeah.
Inkechi:Ever.
Inkechi:Focus.
Inkechi:You're allocating.
Inkechi:You're actually.
Inkechi:No one's pulling you.
Inkechi:Sometimes.
Inkechi:Sometimes you're just allocating yourself.
Inkechi:Yeah.
Carlin:That's a good word similar to when you're.
Carlin:So I actually sometimes get clients to draw an energy pie chart and say, okay, where did most of your energy go today?
Carlin:If you didn't feel productive or you're not feeling, let's, let's look at where most of your energy, where did 90% go to that comment someone made about, you know, blah blah blah blah blah, or that thing that you're still thinking about that you need to close the loop on, because again, our brain keeps going on circles until we do.
Carlin:So allocation is so important.
Inkechi:And then how much did you transfer?
Carlin:That and how.
Inkechi:Right, you allocated all.
Inkechi:And then you spoke to that person about that.
Carlin:Exactly.
Carlin:Right.
Carlin:So, so dreaming bigger when you realize that, hey, man, hey, I can't do it alone.
Carlin:You gotta ask for help, right?
Carlin:You gotta take action.
Carlin:Right?
Carlin:Faith without works.
Inkechi:Yes.
Carlin:You know, we have to make sure that we are allowing ourselves to receive help.
Carlin:Because if you can do your dream alone, I always say that you're not dreaming big enough.
Inkechi:You're not dreaming big enough.
Inkechi:Yeah.
Carlin:And another thing I'll say on the allocation piece, are you also allocating time to daydream?
Carlin:Right?
Carlin:So many of us, we put everything in every single hour of the day.
Carlin:Take that five minutes, go outside, close your eyes and go back to that desire from de and daydream.
Carlin:What is your desire?
Carlin:What is your vision for your life?
Carlin:So m, which is the final one, is manifest mentalism and mastery, okay?
Carlin:You get the life you think and dream of a manifestation.
Carlin:For me, the way I see manifestation is the alignment of our thoughts, our desires and our actions.
Inkechi:Okay?
Inkechi:It creates a result.
Carlin:It creates a result, exactly.
Carlin:And when we align those, this is when we get to the practice of mentalism.
Carlin:So mentalism is mastery of our thoughts and it's our ability to notice when.
Carlin:Huh, interesting.
Carlin:My inner critic is back up again.
Carlin:I wonder what's going on.
Carlin:Again, I'm not engaging, just noticing.
Inkechi:I like that.
Inkechi:Come sit here with me.
Inkechi:Like, sit here.
Inkechi:Because sometimes women hold your hand and.
Carlin:Hold your hand just.
Carlin:But I'm not engaging, so don't poke me too much.
Carlin:Right.
Carlin:So mentalism and mentalism is also when you think about the natural law and the ability for us to, if words are spells and words have carry magic, then it means it's very important how I talk to myself.
Inkechi:Yeah, words matter, right?
Carlin:Words matter.
Carlin:And mastery goes back to how you're mastering the dream practice.
Inkechi:Yeah, yeah.
Carlin:Because what you spend most time on, right, you manifest.
Carlin:You manifest and you master it.
Inkechi:Yeah.
Carlin:And I, and it's a practice so driven.
Carlin:That's why I say dream big is a practice, because all the things that I mentioned, we're all doing it already.
Carlin:Every single person listening, they're doing it in some way, shape, or form, but it's not consistent.
Carlin:It's not consistent.
Carlin:And also, because the brain works in a.
Carlin:There's a particular language.
Carlin:The brain needs some sort of, like, there's a reason why when we go by the water, we feel better.
Carlin:When we see beautiful art and artistry or architectural, we see a beautiful outfit like, ooh.
Carlin:Right?
Carlin:Because we love seeing, whether it's symmetry or beauty or in some cases, the flow of dream, because now we remember it.
Carlin:The brain is like, oh, that's catchy.
Carlin:I'll remember dream.
Carlin:It's an acronym, and there are words.
Carlin:Okay, okay.
Carlin:Am I designing today?
Carlin:Or even as you pick up your outfits for the day.
Carlin:Oh, what kind of day am I designing for myself?
Carlin:Right.
Carlin:So you use that to start a dialogue with yourself.
Carlin:And the last thing that I'll say is the work of mindset coach and practitioner Carl, doctor Carl Dweck.
Carlin:I love her concept of the inner roommate.
Carlin:So think about your inner critic as your inner roommate.
Carlin:Right.
Carlin:Name it.
Carlin:So, again, when it shows up, you can have a little.
Carlin:Okay.
Carlin:Because when we name things, we bring attention to it, and that it gives us an opportunity for us to allocate enough resources for that thing.
Inkechi:Got it.
Carlin:Same thing for your higher self or your big dream, bigger self.
Carlin:The woman, the person that you're becoming.
Carlin:Name it also, because then what you do is that you can also call that person in, and now you're going to make sure every day you dress with intention to meet that person that's becoming.
Carlin:And I saw something on.
Carlin:What's the name?
Carlin:Mel Robbins podcast.
Carlin:I came with the name of her guest, but she was talking about ambivalent relationships or ambivalence or that uncertainty.
Carlin:You know, I'm not sure in relationship how it cost us energy, and actually, it cost us so much because we're.
Carlin:When we're on in this undecided, undecided space, there's so much power that we.
Inkechi:Yeah, yeah, I can say so.
Carlin:That's the dream acronym.
Inkechi:Oh, my gosh.
Inkechi:It was amazing.
Inkechi:We're gonna quickly go through it.
Inkechi:So d is decide desire, design.
Carlin:Yes.
Inkechi:R is reflect, reframe, and release.
Inkechi:E eliminate, enhance, and execution.
Inkechi:A is ask, action, allow, and allocate.
Inkechi:And m is manifest mentalist and mastery.
Inkechi:What?
Inkechi:I already started remembering that I love it.
Inkechi:This was such a gift.
Inkechi:Look, one question.
Carlin:And.
Carlin:And the great thing about this is that you can now add any.
Carlin:So now you have it and you understand it.
Carlin:Date the concept.
Inkechi:Yeah.
Carlin:You can create your own dream acronym for it.
Carlin:What are the words that you have in your own repertoire that might resonate deeper?
Carlin:Right.
Carlin:Because what I've given is a.
Carlin:Is a beginning, is a practice.
Inkechi:It's a step.
Carlin:So now you can take it and make it your own.
Carlin:And.
Inkechi:Okay, so I have.
Inkechi:I have.
Inkechi:I have to take you through rapid thrivers.
Inkechi:I do.
Inkechi:I have to close to make sure we close this.
Inkechi:But, Carla, I just.
Inkechi:I want to know, because you are, you know, you are very invested in your growth and you're growing, and can you share, like, just in this whole journey of life, like, what's the.
Inkechi:The most recent discovery about yourself that you have?
Inkechi:Recent.
Inkechi:Like, the last one that you really recall, that you locked another part of you?
Carlin:Yeah.
Carlin:Um, that I was energetically unyoked with people I thought who saw me.
Carlin:So there were people I thought were on the same energetic vibration, like asiuses, blah, blah, blah.
Carlin:And turns out that.
Carlin:So.
Carlin:So it got me to take a step back and be like, oh, wow, like, how.
Carlin:But how did I miss that?
Carlin:How didn't I not see that?
Carlin:That, you know, those people never really saw me.
Carlin:So that was something that I had to take a step back and be more intentional with.
Carlin:Okay.
Carlin:As much as I.
Carlin:I'm a chameleon, I can not to say things don't faze me.
Carlin:Things faze me.
Carlin:But I have built a very strong self determination practice.
Carlin:So if I'm down, I can figure it, you know?
Carlin:But I think over this past year, the invitation has been to take a closer look at my circle.
Inkechi:Right.
Carlin:And the people I've been pouring into.
Carlin:That's why I said the right word is I feel like I've been energetically unyoked.
Inkechi:Like, yeah.
Inkechi:And it gives you more energy.
Inkechi:It gives you.
Carlin:It gives me more energy.
Carlin:But also, it caused me in my track, because I thought I had a good self practice of recognizing that, because it has been something that happened in the past.
Carlin:But it's what I've learned also, is that as you grow, yes, you've had a good practice around.
Carlin:You will always, and I think I said it, you will be invited to practice what you need the most in every season of your life.
Inkechi:I love that.
Inkechi:I love that advice.
Inkechi:That advice is something I'm so taking.
Inkechi:And partly that question I asked, that double click I did.
Inkechi:There was a little bit for me, because just saying it's for the listeners as well.
Inkechi:But that one hit, when you said that, that hit home, and I just pondered, like, what would that be?
Inkechi:I would say, coming out of COVID there's a lot of people who forgot how to dream.
Inkechi:Kind of pushed dreams aside, gotten into sort of the structure or catch up mode.
Inkechi:Right.
Inkechi:And I'm really, you know, this.
Inkechi:This is godly divine.
Inkechi:This was the episode we need to have.
Inkechi:That was the question I needed to ask first, and that was the system that needed to be shared.
Carlin:Yeah.
Inkechi:Okay.
Inkechi:Yeah.
Carlin:Thank you.
Carlin:Yeah.
Inkechi:Yeah.
Inkechi:And so now to take you through some rapid survivors, when I ask you, who inspires you, who comes first to mind right now?
Carlin:Juju, Julian Alfred.
Carlin:She is the fastest woman in the world.
Carlin:She has inspired so many St.
Carlin:Lucians.
Inkechi:Crazy, eh?
Carlin:So many little girls and boys are dreaming bigger because of her.
Inkechi:Look.
Inkechi:That was the epitome of work hard in silence and let your results take you, like, bring you out in the public.
Inkechi:Right.
Inkechi:All the time.
Inkechi:Showboating.
Inkechi:They had the sprint netflix sprint sprints.
Inkechi:Right.
Inkechi:Where was she?
Carlin:She wasn't there.
Carlin:Because people discount small island people.
Carlin:So anybody who's listening, if you feel like you've been small or you come from a small island, small village, or you're small, anything, don't discount yourself.
Carlin:Small doesn't mean not great.
Carlin:Small just means waiting to be discovered.
Carlin:Yeah.
Inkechi:And she's so humble.
Inkechi:Love it.
Inkechi:She is so a book that's helped you with your, like, being empowered.
Inkechi:You name so many today.
Inkechi:So everyone's gonna get an extra.
Inkechi:An extra one.
Carlin:Right now, I'm reading this one.
Carlin:Meditation pusher.
Carlin:The future we make, volume one, Alicia Mathlin.
Inkechi:Okay.
Carlin:Years ago.
Carlin:She is just so prolific.
Carlin:Years ago, she had this quote that I actually had it on my.
Carlin:I had this deck of affirmation cards, right again.
Carlin:I literally build my positive affirmations in everything I do.
Carlin:And on the car, she said those words to me, and it stuck with me.
Carlin:She said, no one needs you more than you right now.
Inkechi:Ooh, that's so true, though.
Carlin:That's a giver.
Carlin:And it came out at the moment in my life where that's very powerful.
Carlin:I was over given so much.
Carlin:So my body was sending me signals, like, you know, when you have.
Carlin:I couldn't even move my neck.
Carlin:I would go to bed, but I couldn't sleep.
Carlin:I'd get up, my body stiff.
Carlin:I, like, my body was telling me all, but I was, nah, push through, push through.
Carlin:And then when I started, when I heard that quote from her, I had to rate it somewhere.
Carlin:I would see it all the time.
Carlin:And it became a part of your daily practice.
Inkechi:Yeah.
Inkechi:An app on your phone that helps you be empowered.
Carlin:Kofa AI.
Inkechi:Yeah.
Inkechi:You know, there's a.
Inkechi:There's a tech podcast we need to get you on to talk about.
Inkechi:Kofi AI.
Carlin:Yes.
Carlin:Today, please refer me to all the tech podcasts.
Carlin:Right.
Carlin:Yes.
Carlin:I'm catalyst.
Carlin:So, yeah.
Carlin:So right now, using chat, GBT and creating my own app, because a lot of everything that I'm talking to you about.
Carlin:Right.
Carlin:And we didn't even touch, you know.
Inkechi:I know.
Carlin:And thank you also for seeing me and my gifts and also having the space and capacity for all that I am.
Carlin:Right.
Carlin:Because I have been told I'm too much, which is fine, because I know I'm not for everybody.
Inkechi:I always say, if anyone tells you you're too much, just go and tell them to get little.
Inkechi:Go and get little.
Carlin:I wanted to share because I had similar.
Carlin:So many women, again, I believe, and I'm not telling everybody to.
Carlin:If you're sharing your story, you have to do something with it.
Carlin:That's not what I'm saying.
Carlin:But for me, in particular, my purpose expression, what it called for me was that there's a responsibility to sharing your gifts and everything that I share as a knowledge custodian, it's not mine to hold.
Carlin:Right.
Carlin:Knowledge is not mine.
Carlin:I'm just here to facilitate, put it in a format based on my gifts and my purpose, and then share it with the people who are ready for it.
Carlin:So everything that I've been talking about, ancestral wisdom, emotional intelligence, the science of judgment, which actually is one of my favorite workshops to do, because it shows you, from a brain based perspective, why we judge.
Inkechi:Oh, gosh, that's another episode.
Carlin:We have several episodes.
Inkechi:Girl, that one, though.
Carlin:But this is also why, yes, the science behind you, it's fascinating.
Carlin:The research behind that one is fascinating.
Carlin:But I also wanted to share more of that with everyone else, because I'm also, like I told you earlier, I'm tired.
Carlin:And I believe, as black women, a huge chunk of our purpose is to restore spark, joy, slow down, eat, relax, suppression.
Inkechi:Right.
Carlin:And I know it feels counterintuitive to this current state of the world and everything that's going on, but actually, we need to set ourselves up so that we can lead in the manner that this new world that has been created needs from us.
Carlin:So COFA AI became a my gift to the world, to humanity, to black professionals, to leaders, to all the people that I work with.
Carlin:And I also noticed that when I did my training with C suite leaders and with ergs and so forth, as much as it was great and their get, and they're like, Carlin, thank you for the tools, whatnot, the questions, how can I better support them?
Carlin:I remember once there was a CEO who had to call a very senior leader in because of misogynoir, and he didn't, he didn't know what to do, right.
Carlin:Because he also wanted to do it in a way that that leader feels psychologically safe to support himself, to go do the work.
Carlin:So I wrote out this guide for him.
Carlin:And again, creating those toolkits gives me so much joy.
Carlin:I realized that I'm really, and I've owned that part of myself.
Carlin:I'm a nerd, and it's fine.
Carlin:But creating that brought so much joy.
Carlin:And it also got me thinking, how can I support the leaders that I get the privilege to work with better?
Carlin:Imagine they had a tool.
Carlin:They can, with all the things that we teach in the training, and they can just ask it a question and.
Inkechi:It gives them back guidance.
Inkechi:Yeah.
Carlin:And it gives them that guidance.
Carlin:So that's, that's why I call for AI right now.
Inkechi:It's amazing.
Carlin:When I shared it with this young lady from St.
Carlin:Lucia, 16 years old, and I sat and I, and I shared the kofa for sisterhood with her, and it asked her quite.
Carlin:And I seen her eyes light up and she's like, wow.
Carlin:She's like, every young girl needs this.
Carlin:And I was like, right track.
Carlin:So, yeah.
Carlin:So stay tuned for Kofa AI.
Inkechi:Kofa AI.
Inkechi:I love it.
Inkechi:I love it.
Inkechi:Calling the investors.
Inkechi:Calling the investors.
Carlin:Yes.
Carlin:We're getting ready.
Carlin:We're getting ready for launch day.
Inkechi:What is a daily activity that keeps you empowered?
Carlin:Saying my affirmations.
Carlin:Yeah, saying my going for a walk.
Carlin:Because now that, you know, we're in.
Inkechi:Our late forties, I know I need movement all the time.
Inkechi:I love that.
Inkechi:Movement and affirmations are my thing every single morning to start my day.
Carlin:No, but you inspire me, though.
Carlin:I need to do more people.
Carlin:I like watching people like you.
Carlin:And there's also amoy.
Carlin:I love seeing you all share your, your fitness journey because it inspires me to get moving.
Carlin:So I'm trying, not trying.
Carlin:I go for walks at least daily.
Inkechi:Yeah.
Carlin:Just so I move and I stay moving and I do my little ten push ups every day.
Carlin:But, you know.
Inkechi:I know, but, but the affirmation.
Inkechi:Affirmations even, but are so key and critical.
Inkechi:Like, that's a work, I have to tell you.
Inkechi:Just quick funny story.
Inkechi:I'm putting my.
Inkechi:So I roomed with somebody at woman evolve.
Inkechi:Women evolved.
Inkechi:And I share publicly that the first thing I do in the morning is my affirmations.
Inkechi:Even my husband, the most we say to each other is, great.
Inkechi:More.
Inkechi:I say, great.
Inkechi:He says, good morning.
Inkechi:That's it.
Inkechi:He goes downstairs and meditates.
Inkechi:I go and do my.
Inkechi:Because I will talk to myself first before I talk to any human being in this world.
Inkechi:Anyway, homegirl, the alarm goes off in the morning.
Inkechi:I'm, I'm, I'm open up my bible.
Inkechi:I'm doing my.
Inkechi:And she just pops up.
Inkechi:She's like, oh, my God, check this out.
Inkechi:My mom, she starts talking.
Inkechi:Oh, my God, these pictures of her mom in England with her.
Inkechi:And you have to understand my brain.
Inkechi:That was like, okay, ink, she doesn't know.
Carlin:She doesn't know.
Carlin:You have to communicate.
Inkechi:God, give her grace.
Inkechi:Let this experience flow.
Inkechi: terested in these pictures at: Inkechi:in the morning until I had to tell her.
Inkechi:I'm like, girlfriend, I can't.
Carlin:Yes, no, we're talking.
Carlin:Yes.
Carlin:I don't even have notifications on my phone.
Inkechi:I was like, I don't know I'm that nice of a person.
Inkechi:Before I say mathematicians.
Inkechi:Anyway, I just.
Inkechi:And then last, last question is, wow, with all of your expression of life, like, how you.
Inkechi:I love it.
Inkechi:What's the one misconception that you believe that people still have of you?
Carlin:I'm sure there's tons, but I remember there was one where someone told me that they thought I.
Carlin:I was stuck up and I wasn't approachable just because of how I.
Carlin:Again, this was the person's bias.
Inkechi:And then.
Carlin:Well, actually, you're actually not.
Inkechi:I'm like, no, no, no.
Inkechi:You see me.
Carlin:I'm actually, if anything, and I think sometimes a little bit too loud, especially when I see, you know, my girls, like.
Inkechi:And you get excited, and you get.
Carlin:Excited, and I'm all like.
Inkechi:And you fix it up in nice pictures and good lighting.
Inkechi:Yes.
Carlin:Like when I was talking, the light was hitting you.
Carlin:You need to show this photo and post it.
Carlin:I'm going to share it publicly so that everybody listening can.
Carlin:The sun was hidden nkechi in the most beautiful way.
Carlin:And there's actually a song called Daughter of the sun by Naomi Sharon.
Carlin:I discovered her when she opened for Thames, and I am in love with this artiste.
Carlin:She's kind of like.
Carlin:She has the shady, like, stunning voice, and I'm gonna send it to you.
Carlin:When I took that photo, because the sun was just coming down on you and you look so stunning, and you were just glowing to me.
Carlin:I was like, wow, this is the sun.
Carlin:Because you look so beautiful.
Inkechi:Thank you.
Carlin:And I just love being a reflection to other because you easily also pay me compliments and you pay other women compliments.
Carlin:And I think, to me, that's the most beautiful gift we can give to each other, to be kind to each other, to be gracious with each other, and also to show each other how beautiful we are.
Carlin:So thank you for allowing me to do so.
Inkechi:Thank you.
Inkechi:Thank you.
Inkechi:So where do we find more of you online?
Carlin:Find more of me online.
Carlin:You can go to KDPM Equity Institute.
Carlin:We have memberships opening soon.
Carlin:Also tons of free resources.
Carlin:But also follow me on carlin personal on Instagram and LinkedIn as well.
Inkechi:And wait for kofa AI.
Inkechi:It's coming.
Inkechi:I have.
Inkechi:I have sneak peek.
Inkechi:I have sneak peek and sneak usage.
Carlin:And what do you think?
Carlin:What would you tell the people?
Carlin:What do you think?
Inkechi:And I've actually tested putting questions into regular chat, GBT and then into.
Inkechi:And I get.
Inkechi:I get a.
Inkechi:I get a.
Inkechi:I get a more aligned, like, ancestral point of view.
Inkechi:Yeah, it is.
Inkechi:It's.
Inkechi:I'm proud of you.
Inkechi:I'm really proud of you.
Inkechi:Yeah.
Inkechi:So final question.
Inkechi:This episode, sorry, this podcast is called empowered my skin.
Inkechi:And you have kind of already woven into that, but still want to hear your empowered my skin, what it means to you, Carlin.
Carlin:Empowered in my skin, what it means to me.
Carlin:It means knowing that, to quote the late doctor Maya Angelou, that you belong everywhere.
Carlin:You belong anywhere.
Carlin:You show up.
Carlin:And as long as you have life and you're on this earth, you are worthy.
Carlin:It means that I have a right to exist.
Carlin:I have a right to breathe, and I have a right for my voice and my essence to be heard.
Carlin:Whoo.
Inkechi:Thank you, girlfriend.
Inkechi:Thank you.
Inkechi:Love you, Carlin.
Inkechi:I love you so much.
Inkechi:And thank you, everyone, for tuning in.
Inkechi:Trust me, there's a whole system here for you to take to add to your toolkit, to dream and to dream in a way like no one else can but you.
Inkechi:And so, Carlin, love you.
Inkechi:Love you for the way you express yourself and how you share your life so openly and freely with all of us and make us, you know you do.
Inkechi:You make me stand taller.
Inkechi:So thank you.
Inkechi:And to everyone, this is where I have to say.
Inkechi:We're out.
Inkechi:Bye bye.
Inkechi:There you have it.
Inkechi:I trust you are feeling more empowered in your skin.
Inkechi:As the late doctor Maya Angelou said, when you get, you give.
Inkechi:When you learn, you teach.
Inkechi:So it would mean so much for us at eimfeme if you would share this episode and tag us or teach an insight that you took from today's episode on your socials and tag us.
Inkechi:Feel free to leave us a review over at iTunes and follow us on social median power to my skin finally, remember to subscribe so you never miss an episode.
Inkechi:See you soon.
